yes it's me , me again :) just here to post a lyric of song -elvis presley - always on my mind

Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

all these last months that we spent together in wow/chats/calls was happy times for me ,
but i always tried to don't use my emotions like before :) i never did say i love you or other words
and emotional stuffs even in wow like /love ,except once that i got /hug for first time few months ago in wow from your char and i replyed it back with hug back ^^ , you know i never hugged or loved anyone else in my life and i would never do , even in games , hug/love/kiss is not for everyone :) they are just for some special persons that you really love em ,

well at least i tried to don't show my emotions to ya to don't hurt ya with it , and it worked alot , and we know each other better , and i hope we keep getting better at knowing each other :) ,
but i guess in deeper of you heart you know that i still love ya and i will , even without getting it back :) i was born as poor (or better to say normal ) baby as money((it's temporary , because i can earn money by myself easily )) , but i got strong feelings that i'm proud of myself , and i'v never felt anyone closest to me in my life than you :) ,

hmm starting of tomorrow... i start to learn 10 new words in english everyday :)

i wish you and myself to get better in life
, and i will keep dreaming about you as always ^^ ,
and once again ! i do not mind what other people even my friends say about you and me , i dont mind that i don't know your name , i don't mind that ali (doom shaman) think i'm like a child that got in trap of yours hehe , he thinks like that because i don't know your name/address and i never have seen ya or your photo , and maybe he think what if you are a man haha , but i know who you are :) and i don't need your name or pic to love ya , i know your personality (getting better at least =P ) and it's enough for me til the day comes and you tell others by yourself,
i'm so patient about those though :) ,
bah it's 7:50 AM =P which means it's tomorrow hehe , i have to get sleep , i don't see sun but every where is shiny now it's morning anyway :) my eyes have to rest also ^^ ,
i will keep writing again here for some while , this is my memory book , probably will help me to remind so many things after some years ( for you also ofc =P ) ,

1 month left since my last post here , well here i am again :)
yesterday and today i'v watched 3 dance movies : shall we dance , save the last dance 1 , and save the last dance 2 , they were nice movies , i liked them all ,

i'm practicing daf/qaval today , hope i make movie this week at least , it's getting annoying that i haven't make that damn movie with my drums ... i have to practice more a bit , it's not really hard but like always i'm lazy for practicing , well what ever i will make it these days soon
and like my new friend in youtube told me : it doesn't have to be perfect , it's just a movie that you wanna make and show your talent , you don't gonna sell it !
she is from poland i think , she is interesting in turkish and middle east culture it seems ,
heh getting new friends are usually nice , but i can't reply her mails because youtube is blocked (filtered) for us in iran , and i always have to get access by anti block softwares and it doesn't work right always :)

well enough talking now , gonna send mail to her , then i'll work on my movie practicing again , maybe a bit chat with amir also he just came one xD

hmm i'v forgot what i wanted to write 2 days ago about something special that have happened xD
i will write it later when i remember it lol , it was something that you said for first time ... what was it :D ?? i gonna remember it sooooooon ! haha

father and son - steven cat

a great song that i heared at movie "the boat that rocked" and i tried to find it's lyric and singer :) it's really nice one i loved it , gonna find cat steven's more songs and albums later .

Father And Son
Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam)

Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It's always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Father
It's not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
if you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me.
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

SpOrT

hiiiihaaa you think you are better than me at sport ? then think again !!! xD
no one can walk,climb mountain, ride bicycle , do body building,do boxing,do swim ,play basketball !!! LIKE MEEEEE =P ok ok maybe some can but not many xD lol


huh i'm not even tired !! i can re do my whole body building practices again... that i'v done today xD

DO YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE ME , muhahaha

dance

i'm a dancer , i have to dance , but i need your help too .

getting better and better again :) specially after talking with ya ,
but i should remind myself again , that i have to make you happy and make some fun for ya ,
no talking my problems and stuffs to make you uneasy also ...



and savalan take it easy :) you are a jokker and jokkers never get sad and upset :)
even if you get upset you should never forget to smile , because it makes the ppl around ya happy and they would make you happy too after that ...

you are my wonderwall

i was listening to oasis songs , i like most of em , they are good band , and suddenly i found
this song : Wonderwall , it's so amazing song , i can listen to it thousands of times and don't get bored of it , it's the way i feel to for someone , hehe it was close to cry when i read lyrics and some people stories on that page ,but i stopped crying hardly :) i don't like crying , anyway
here is lyrics and at bottom of it, is the link that you can find lyric and some other peoples story , but some of em really hurts ... :)



Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw me back to you
By now, you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day, but they'll never throw me back to you
By now, you should've somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me


http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Wonderwall-lyrics-Oasis/558A80BC316AB8E44825686B0011AB3C

i'm listening the same oasis song agian :)

oasis - the importance of being idle


I sold my soul for the second time
'Cause the man He don't pay me
I begged my landlord for some more time
He said "Son, the bill's waiting"
My best friend called me the other night
He said "Man - are you crazy"
My girlfriend told me to get a life
She said "Boy - you lazy"
But I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it


I lost my faith in the summer time
'Cause it don't stop raining
The sky all day is as black as night
But I'm not complaining
I begged my doctor for one more line
He said "Son - words fail me"
It ain't no place to be killing time
I guess, I'm just lazy

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit
I can't get a life if my heart's not in it

sometimes

some times you don't like yourself , or actually you start to hate yourself ,
you look around ya and see everyone trying to do something for you by their own ways ,
they all think they know world better than you , and you have a feeling that they don't ,
you get mad at em every now and then , you get mad because you don't know what you should do,
and you don't try the ways that others tell to ya ,
well today i have feeling like things that i said above , but i know i'm wrong , i know this feeling ,
i guess there is no many ppl that know what feeling they have exactly , but at least i know it about myself and i can explain it most of times on this blog ,

actually today i hated myself again , however i know that i need to love myself before anything or anyone else ,
but i see that i can't manage things easily , i fails at almost everything these days ,
i know that i'm not worry about money that much , i'm not worry about studying , traveling ,military service , friends, families and etc etc ... i'm not worry that you may not love me laters ,
because that depends on you , not me, i can't make you or anyone else to love or don't love truly .
THE only thing that i'm worry about and i'm thinking about is that i will fail at doing my mission , at make myself better and finding ya out there , as i said i'm not talking about loving each other because it's the thing that can happen later also , but the important thing is that i must not fail at
getting mature and getting better , but i'm afraid to fail at it like always ,

hey blog i know that i just come here to write on ya just when i feel not good usually :) i'm sorry about that , but you are the only one that i feel better when i write and talk with ya in my lonely times .

i'm afraid to be failure again , afraid that i won't be able to do my job right ...

what the fuck i'm doing these days , what have happened to me... ? why i'm so lazy and can't do anything special even when i liked it before ... doing nothing ? why !? why i can't start anything right and end it truly ...

well anyway , today i'm sick also , i just drank dissolute milk few hours ago and i'm sick now :)
everyone asleep in house , but no need medicine or anything , it will go alright soon , i'm not worry about it , a dissolute milk haven't killed anyone yet hehe .

me and you

yea it's me again that going to write on this blog again today :)

here is the stuff that i can tell ya :

YOU tell me that you European
I'll tell i'm asian and i'm turk


YOU tell you can fly by your wings
I say i can fly by airplane


YOU say you believes to souls ...
I say i believe to body and physic


YOU say you can move stuff by thinking and without touching em
I say i don't need to do that when i can use my hands to move stuff


YOU say you can use magic to hurt
I say i can use my magic to heal


YOU say you can be a magician at war
I say I can be a gunner at war


YOU say you can read minds just by looking or thinking
I say i will read minds and by computers soon


YOU say you predict future by stars
I say i predict future by thinking and watching to history


YOU say you are Buddhist or what else that believe you get back to life thousands times I say i'm non-religious or kinda like Marxist and i only believe human human and human , i born once i love once and i die once !!


YOU say you have 5 girl friends and you gonna get 1 more to be with her tonight
I say i loved a girl without seeing and knowing her name and i will only love her til i die ...


YOU say you can't tell your name
I say my name is savalan and all world must know it !!


YOU say show respect to dead ppl
I say show respect to alive ppl


soon will write more here :)

hmm it's been more than 3 week that i havent write anything here ... ;)

i just don't feel to write these days hehe ,

i don't feel bad ,upset or anyother disturbing feelings really , usually i laugh during day or night :)

and i try to make everyone happy , yea i really trying xD i try to don't get angry or fight with anyone . and i see i'm success , at least for myself .

3 weeks ago i climbed savalan mountains , it was soooooo damn nice days , i will put pictures and movie (on youtube i guess) soon .
yesterday i was success at car license's theory exam , soon i will give main exams to get my license ^^ . and after that i will try to get my motorcycle license and will get motorcycle for myself hehe ,

I Am Savalan , like a mountain , strong and rich of emotions , that can be a place for living for thousands kind of livings .


---> Savalan=nalavaS <----

think again

i need to think again , i can't go back to old damn sad feelings :)
i'v changed , so it can be different , better or worth than ago :)
but i feel i'm so close to answers than i thought .

i just need to think again, again and again....
the only thing that would help me is "thinking"

if you think you are right think again ... ;)

part of 3 nice songs that i'm listening now

the devil's eye -chris de burgh
I can see you, I am watching you, I've been planning this for years.I have blacked out you television, every station in the world is mine,Oh nothing's gonna save you now from the Devil's Eye...All around me, fire is burning, yes I'm calling you from Hell,

Something's happening, sounds like thunder, maybe the Lord is on His way,He's still angry and He's after me since I cheated on the Spanish Train,Oh yes He's coming, and He could stop me, but He'd better make it soon,'Cos the last time that I won a world, I made it into a moon...

________________

one mile to go - chris de burgh
When the valley's quiet with the snow,
And the train has one more mile to go,
To the station where my love will be,
She waits for me, she waits for me;

Now the lights are shining down below,
And I see the village that's my home,
And I see all the places that I love,
It's been so long, been away so long,
And I'm nearly home, one more mile to go;

________________
carry on - chris de burgh:
Love is the daughter of life,
comfort to trouble and strife,
She's always beside you to help you carry on,
Oh they say that the stars in the sky,
Are the souls of the people who die

we are the people

We are the people - empire of the sun
it's great song :) i liked it :

i know everything about you , you know everything about me ,
we know everything about us ... :)

well actually i liked that part so much , that we know everything that is necessary to know about us

to the forward

i think i have wrote here a lyric of a song some months ago, from "lifhous -Hanging By A Moment"

it was so close to my feelings before :) specially this part :

I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I’ve started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you




but today i think i'm changed , i don't wait for you or anyone else to make me move :) , i want to move and make you move hehe ,
i'm not closer to where i'v started , i'm at forward steps of changing ,


sooooooo To the forward !!

2012

2012 is the year that everyone talks about it , some believes it will be end of human being , some says some natural misery will occur , some say Maya ppl have predicted about it .. and so many other rumors about it in world ,
and as i saw in news about some Islamic leaders that believes imam Mahdi(something like Jesus for Christians) will pop up in world on 2012 :) , every religions has something like that : someone that haven't died thousands years ago will appear some day and save them from other ppl and they refer it to 2012 now ,
it's a critical event for all world ,

i never believe it will be end for life or humans , but i'm kinda sure there will be some wars and riots (chaos) because of these rumors on world , i know some ppl really believe til they bones ... and you know if someone believe something like that he would do anything that he think is right ...

and soon black oil (black gold in other word) gonna finish soon or late , but the most important issue is water in middle east , countries will fight because of shortcoming of water on this critical part of world , middle east is the part of world that human beings (at least historical ones) occurred , oil,water,religions,crowd of different cultures of ppl,food, seas and ways to open seas and so many other things make this zone so critical for world ,

as you see on this last months there were so many wars and protesters in different countries of world , all ppl want their rights , and governments kill ppl like em, in Iran,China,Israel,Palestine,Turkey,French,Madagascar,USA,Russian,Iraq,Afghanistan ... (these are the countries that i can remember on this last month that had fights)

what ever it is , it will not like a world war3 between countries , it will be so much more complicated than other 2 wars ,


well this is just my ideas for now , and i hope i'm wrong :) because a normal person never would like anything to get hurt and damaged .

Thrall

:) i'm reading WarCraft.Lord.Of.The.Clans , it's story about how Thrall grows as a slave with for humans ,
i'm on 6th chapter ,
hmm i feel like Thrall hehe , " i will not be here long " he is learning , he is gonna be well-bred and mature , he will think better , he will be free , And he is trying for that ...

and i really loved this part :

He would not sleep. He would use this time to plan. He reached for the tablet and stylus he kept in the sack, and wrote a note to the only person he could trust: Tari.

On the next dark moons, I plan to escape.

never ever do tenacity ! :)

i really like to know ppl's acts and the reason of these , i just got an idea about some ppl now ,

sometimes ppl get sensitive on an special subject , and they get so aggressive and defensive for that subject ,
the best thing you can do is : not talking about those and don't push their attack button hehe ,
even sometimes they don't know why they are so sensitive because of this subject ... they just used to it , or some events made em sensitive and they still have those ...

staying silent about some subjects are the best thing you can do , until those ppl want to talk about that special subject . because each time you try to be good or keep tenacity , their defence system get higher and higher til they explode again ;)



if you think you love someone (a girl/a boy/ family/ friend...) but get sad when you talking with em , there is something wrong with you , it's not their fault , there is something wrong with you then ,
when you love someone you need to make em happy and laugh as much as you can , because making someone sad is not loving him/her ,

well i'm talking with myself here hehe , not you not anyone else =P i'm trying to advice to myself lol i noticed that each time i try to talk with someone that i want xD i made her sad or upset .
so there was something wrong with me and i need to improve myself in better way ;)
i need to be someone that she would like to talk , that she would want to flirting around for fun . that she come and talk with me when she feels bad modes ... it's all up to me if i improve myselt to that level i can say i was success at love , but i'm still not , so need alooooot of works on myself

new new new

hmm not bad , new template, new pictures, new writes , new blog , new night , new look , and hope new savalan :) not the same old suck one hehe

you are my breath

yesterday i saw an interesting sentences when i was surfing web again :

you are like a breath for me , it was so nice when you came , and i'm still glad that you are gone ,
well you know why it was nice that you came , but you might ask why i said i'm glad that you'r gone ?
well that's why i said you are like a breath for me , you gave me life when i took you and i know you will return like a taking a breath again for me :) or i will die without my breath .



xD i liked this and wrote here to keep it alive in my blog always ^^

pictures after shower lol

haha i just took some pictures of myself =P after shower lol
i love water xD

I feel pretty lol

I FEEL PRETTY
MARIA
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I feel charming,
Oh, so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me!

I feel stunning
And entrancing,
Feel like running and dancing for joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

my sis gave me a new book , the writer of book gave her this book in tehran few days ago as a gift :)
and she said me it's nice book and wanted me to read if i like it ,

the name of book is "2 ghadam invare khat " witch means : "2 step beyond the line "
it's an story about a writer that met someone else who says i traveled in time , and he says so many things are in world that might be unbelievable for you now ,
but when the writer says sometimes i feel i have heared this music or some places , before i go there , and other things , the weird guy starts to think about him and says , so it seems you have went beyond the line sometimes too ...

i think the writer kind a like me , when he wants to talk about something unbelievable , he start talking with some sentences like : i don't believe these stuff but it can be ... lol
he wants to believe them but he doesn't want his family,friends ... think he is crazy or stupid that everyone can trick him with lies ...



well anyway what ever is this book , it's good one ,and i'm gonna finish it soon xD it can help me because it's close to me ,
some weeks ago i readed in a book : The best book is the one that says the things that you already know em , that book will regularize your thoughts that you had before reading book ...

now i know yogurt is black =P

ok it's not 50-50 now :) now i'm 100% sure that it's not joking or telling lies by someone like wild :)
i started to believe everything since yesterday , because i believe you bestrider , and when you say she is not joking or testing me and she is not crazy xD i believe she tells truth then ^^

there is no one that i can believe him/her more than you bestrider , if you've told me yogurt is black ... i could believe it because i believe you ^^ even while i know yogurt is white but i would started to believe it's black :)

but do not worry, still no one can trick me so easy way :) hehe .

i will try to find out the secrets of life , meditations , seeing future ,spirit or ghosts , telepathy , ufo , goblins hehe , or anything that can be truth and i haven't see em yet .
an old famous again : ta nabashad chizaki mardom nagooiand chiiz ha :)
which means : if there is no a little secrets ... ppl will not lie and turn it like to a big secrets .

i just found an english one close to the sentence i wrote on above : Where there is smoke, there is Fire ...

a poem about knowledge

hmm i think i need to translate this poem :
انکس که نداند و بداند که نداند*اخر خرک لنگ به مقصد برساند..
انکس که بداند و نداند که بداند*بیدارش نمایید بس خفته نماند..
انکس که بداند و بداند که بداند*اسب شرف از گنبد گردان بجهاند
انکس که نداند و نداند که نداند* درجهل مرکب ابد و دهر بماند....

the person that doesn't know answer... and he knows that he doesn't know it* he will reach to his aim someday but his mule would be cripple (means : he would done mission but imperfectly with some problems maybe )

the person that knows the answer ... but he doesn't know that he knows it * you should awake this person of his dreams ...(means: you should help this person to find the secrets that he already knows)

the person that knows the answer ... and he knows that he knows it *his horse will jump of any preventive of destiny(means : he will pass any missions in his life ...)

and the person that doesn't know ... and he doesn't know that he doesn't know xD * he will remain as the stupid of universe as always ...

new story

hmm this can be starting of a new story :

i just have turned to 19 when i saw him for first time , it was at my birthday night when we looked at each other eyes , there was a light in his eyes that i haven't knew what it is about that day ,
i just knew the reason of bright eyes after few days when he said the truth about me ,
when he said we are not living at 2007 , we are in 2057 atm ... first i thought he is crazy guy or it was just a joking for my BD party , but when he showed his stuff and the answers of some of my questions about things , then i understood he is not liar ,
yea i was their last hope for continue human being life , since 2020 humans got a sickness and they couldn't offspring because of that , but scientists couldn't find out how my mom became pregnant and born me at 2038 , but they were sure i had same inheritance of my mom or dad , so they started to keep their eyes on me , to grow without any problem ,
the guy that came to visit me on my Bd party and told these ... was my own dad ,
he said the biggest problem was my mind , there were something wrong with it , i had an extra part in my mind , that they never seen it before on other ppl,
some countries started to support my dad and his team with financial helps , it was just a few at beginning but after a while more and more countries and rich ppl started to help them ,
so my dad built a minor city with their help , because it was the most safe thing to do , a secret mission that no one exactly knew where i am except some of main characters ...





ok i think it's nice story i will think about that , and maybe i continue to writing it by my language :)

love is something that i earned by myself

after a while finally i finished reading the book , 1984 - George Orwell , it's good book , if you haven't read it yet , you should do it i say :)

some interested parts are still in my mind of this book , and i do remember em some times ,

one of em is about try believe to something that you never believed it before and still can't...

for example :
when someone says that he/she can make the floor of a room to turn a soap and fly like soap's bubbles ... and if you believe that , you don't need to see the action of turning floor to soap , it's already happened because you believe it in your mind :) , no need to make it happen out of your mind when you think, it's truth inside of you mind ... even if that person lies , it doesn't matter because you both believe you can hehe ,
it's a bit complicated at first , and you may say why you want to believe something with blind eyes , but i say it's truth in your mind , not out of it :)

saying truth or lie to a subject just depends on the way how you look at it with your mind .
2+2 = ?? 4 ? no you can say it's 5 sometimes or 3 ...
you would say i always will answer with 4 , but i say you can change always and answer with other answers :)
sometimes pain can change your thoughts about a subject but sometimes it's impossible to change the way someone thinks by physical pains , and it's really wonderful that you can change them by small or even good things instead of torture that person ,

there is famous sentence in our national that says : sometimes you can cut throat by PLUME easier than a knife ...

well i wrote nice subject today xD but i don't really believe it myself muhahaha !!!
i never can believe something when i havent seen it yet , or haven't experienced at it by myself or other one :)
well i think that if you go inside of minds of people , they usually think they are better than others , they think better than others , they are higher rank than most of others ,
and maybe it's same thing that i think same way : i think better than others usually , (notice here-->i used this word : "usually " i didn't use" always" ^^)

hmm something else left to say now , when thundermoon says she can read minds , there is 2 answer for it :
1) the reasiest way is to say no she lies ...
2) or you can say yea she can do it ...

but the most important thing is this : she believes it herself i think (if she can or can't read minds)

and now i want her to prove it to me that she can do it , because i want to know :) i never can say it's truth or a lie without seeing it or feeling it ^^ , it's just a 50-50 chance ,


the only thing that i would never give up is believing in that i love someone =P
and you can say i'm blind at it , or i feel love better than others , or anything you like you can say to me haha ...because i won't listen to anyone to changing my way in love and give up at it :) it's something that i earned by myself , no one gave it to me that would take it away from me ^^ .

Lovestoned




I think she knows...



hahahahaha

same new night :)

4:42 AM , it's night , night again , it a night like other nights , it seems same as others ,
but it's another night , new one ,
you would watch sky and say yea it's same night... black and silent , everyone asleep like always ,
but savalan is still awake , yea he is not asleep like others , he is here and writing this sentences ,
you would say savalan usually write this blog at nights , so it's same night as always , but i say yea you right savalan writes this blog but these are new sentences today , they are not same ,
so it's new night. fresh and new ,and silent night like other nights :)

part of a lyric : i really want you - from james blunt :)

I really want you to really want me
but I really don't know
if you can do that.

I know you want to know what's right
but I know it's so hard
for you to do that.

Time's running out as it often does
and often dictates
if you can't do that.

Fate can't break this feeling inside,
that's burning up through my veins.


Is a poor man rich in solitude?
Or when mother earth complained?

No matter what I say or do,
the message isn't getting through,
and you're listening to the sound
of my breaking heart.

because

will i be able to solve this problem ? or not ...
no one knows , no one can say yes or no ...
it's a question without answer any soon yet .
it's just depends on my feelings and my power to control em .
it's just up to me ... not anyone else even you .
but i afraid if i control that feeling i would loose it ... what ya think i'm talking about ?
yea true the same feeling i'v had since i started this blog . yea you know it .
i won't give up , you know . i will endure and suffer . because i'm a man .
living anywhere in world doesn't matter for me . iran,sweden,africa,,USA ...
i will wait , because i can wait to all these . when someone can do something , he should do it .

ba ghame eshge oo khazan shod , no bahare javaniam
no bahare javaniam

what i'v done or what i'm gonna do , always effect odd ...
anything that i trying to do going to be opposite thing ...
i'm just suck like always , everything pissed me off again today ...
fuck you blog !! why i'm writing on you ..............................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................
...................................................................................................................

what's difference between my writings and these dots !! ? what ? they all are black
they all are useless exactly like my writings here ................

smash it under your feet !

hey devil ... trust yourself . you can't done anything without trust and believe to yourself ...
if you are not best person in world , you are one of goods , and you can be one of bests ...
just try to want something and it will be yours ... you have enough power to do what you want .
you are not paralysis guy !! use your mind ...

does someone tried or trying to stop you !? just smash him under your feet !!! and continue your way... !!!!!!!

talking with you is the best thing in my life i would have ever have^^

:) today i really feel good ^^ , i wasen't good yesterday , until you talked with me ...
but there is a thing that i didn't answer you yesterday :
when you said : you wanted to go to sweden or was it just cause of me? ... play same game like ago ...

i didn't answer it , i said i don't know , but i wanted to say truth : yea it was just because of you , because i find new life when i talked with you in first time 1 year ago ... i learned love , i learned so many things at this last year of my life since we became friends ... i found life !
maybe i should have told you it yesterday , but i don't know why i didn't :) and it's kinda late now to say it again , so i write it here instead talking .

1 month ago you said i don't want you to have false hope , so i started to hate that word "hope" since that day . but : ---->
yesterday i gave you and myself a promise :
i will learn hope again , i will try to love myself again , cause i can't love other person if i don't love myself , and i wanted you that please remind me my promise when i forget it and I got your word on it ^^

my promise seems so simple one , but i have so many promises in that one , i didn't tell my other promises but i have them in my mind , i promised them also to you and myself without talking about em , and i will keep my promises .

wish i was able to say how beautiful is it to choose being lonely ,
oooh , your body shake when you thinking about that ? :)
like when we get closer to a wild animal ...
but the misery or problem is this : when you find something lonely it's not lonely anymore .
the light around it will disappear .
some people and some stuffs need to have distance with you , so you can't reach them easy ... and this distance is uncross able...

can an smile change our life ?

it's good question , that's why this question will live long , even so if we answer to it with" yes or no" ...
this question will fly around , it will flee ... without thinking that it can be caught by answers ...

it's the part of book that i'm reading , "geai" writer : christian bobin


i rather to have Geai's smile and the light in my mom's eyes ...
i rather to have what is not in this world or what is a bit upper than ground :) and flying...
i rather to don't enter to this world and stay at door and look at world ... an infinite look ... look with love ... look to distances of it... just look ... :-)

when someone loves someone , he always can find something to say ... always ... !!! :-)

prayer !!

prayer of the day : dear god , keep us safe from whom loves us !!!

aman , yine dertli dertli ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHg-Z3SNxsY

while there is only 1 crazy guy in city ... all other people there are certain they are not crazy ... :)

sing alone

what reason makes a bird to sing alone in middle of nowhere ... while there is no any other male or female bird near ...

how lovable is leila

when people told Majnoon , the king loves your Leila (the girl that majnoon loves) too ,

he answered : then king is my best friend ...

people wondered ! and asked he is your friend ?? why ?

Majnoon answered again :
i know how lovable is Leila , king loves my love so he is not my enemy...

the hunchback of notredame

we are foreigners, men and women , the homeless
we are foreigners,without passport
we beseech you notredame , asylum , asylum !!

I've closed computer 1 hour ago and wanted to sleep but went and watched a movie , it's name was wild land (it was about Africa ) or something like that ...

well i felt to write something after watching that ,

about things that i choose to take em with me to darkness when i die ... :)

sound : the sound of rain and wind ...

smell : the smell of the soil after rain ...

feeling : the feeling that i have when i talk with you ...

inside and outside of myself

hi ^^ i just arrived few min ago to my city tabriz ...
it is so nice weather today , it's cool , birds singing ^^ , it's holiday so there is no so many cars out ...
hmm i missed this silent so much :)
i think i'm still learning love , learning to love myself , earth , life ...
i wrote some interesting pages in my trip about love , about life, soul ^^ i will put em here soon ,
i liked those so much XD
who knows maybe someday i become a writer , musician , graphist or painter to make animes or movies , a programmer , an athlete , or who works with animals or plants and natural :)
but what ever i will ...i know that i will be a creator who creat new things ...
who invents and discovers things , inside and outside of myself , and i will help to others for that :)

well today , i'm going to Tehran , to help my sis to move new to house , finally i found train ticket for today :)
i'll be back on Friday , so i have just 2 days after that hehe . you ask to do what ?? =P well can't say now yet xD
i already did something yesterday but it wasn't good so need to do it again after i come back to Tabriz on friday ^^ .
i know i can do this !! I CAN !!!!!! you will see i'll do this !! xD because i can do this !! hahaha

my second story

wow!!! suddenly just got an idea for my next story !!!!!!!!!!!


today facebook filtered in iran (censorship in internet)
so got idea about it for story : now i'm thinking about world that everyone has power , some ppl helping iran with their energy some others trying to stop them and stop other people to think about anything else except some simple required of living (like food,cloth,money)
and there is a hero (maybe the same guy that can't die and will live 910 years =P ) that fighting with em ...


well i will try to make this story after typing my first story ! do i gonna be a writer really xD ??
anyway it's worth to try at least haha

deathdebar lost his love in his life and hate replaced instead of that

ok let's see if i can analyze deathdebar's reacts , well if I am right :

he loved someone from another city in iran long ago(it's important that they were not in same city here , in iran each part of iran speak their own language and have their own calture. it's like hundrads of countries exist in iran)
then i don't know why but they broke apart ... i think i understand why he became like this ,
at first he was so sad ... because he lost her , but after some days,or months he changed ...
he wanted to revenge that girl or any other girls in world , he lost his trust to everyone ...
he lost his love in his life and hate replaced instead of that ... he can't love anything specially girls that broke his heart .
this feeling should be gone after some times but he used to it , he used to look at a girls just like a good looking body... he wasn't able to continue his training in university so he went military service and it made him to be more and more like this , he wasn't able to heal himself and keep his love in his heart with or without someone else ...

and now after years past ... he still has same feelings , he can't love someone anymore i think ,
that's why he says ""girls don't worth anything ! girls would betray you someday ...you don't live in story books to love someone more than yourself like this ... he said do not fight with your friend because of a girl ! "" <--- he really doesn't know what a guy could do for a girl ?

i know he thinks he is right and i'm wrong , he thinks i will lose my love soon or late and i will become like him , it might be true if i was weak like him , but i never lose my love , yea ofc i become mad , sometimes i hate things but i heal myself so faster than others ... i would hate anyone right now but i will forgive him after some minutes or some hours ...


it's the reason they call me savalan :) it is something more than just a name for me ...

heyyy devil these are people ... you can't change all of em but you can change yourself .


love them if they like you
kill them if they insult you
you are not Jesus...

lol this webcam sucks xD

hows my new whisler ?? (or beard ) not sure if i used true word lol

pointing

once someone told me :

it was about blame someone when you are angry

when you point at someone with you finger and blame him/her ...
one of your fingers points your target and 3 fingers that are closed point yourself ^^
i think i'm understand it now !

punch faces on shirts !

i arrived home now , i was riding bicycle with my mom , few days ago doctor told her she had high cholesterol and some other things ... so she needs to do some sports to get better . today my dad went to capital city to help my sis to rent new house , so i need to go for bicycle with my mom :)

usually females don't rid bicycle here , so people don't get used to see women or girls ...
when we were riding , i heard a guy that said to his friends : " look it that woman ! she rides bicycle hehe "
i answered him don't look so careful it can hurts your eyes !

i'm glad my mom didn't hear what they said , it can hurt her , she is not used to do like that , if she get sad because people watch her , people laugh at her ... she could stop riding bicycle or other sports ,

i'm sure next time i will punch those guys or any other guy's face to their shirts if they say anything like that to my mom ,

this is one of reasons that i don't like to live here , i want to give freedom to my mom,sis ... that's why i want to go and live in some other countries to do these stuff for them :)

today i promise to myself that i will make world better for my family and the persons i love .
when i want something i reach to that ... and now i want this

train of thoughts

stream of consciousness

hmm i write to much today hehe


well this guy sings for me today : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja3FAlRDApM

Serdar Ortac - Dansöz

İtiraf ediyorum sana itiraf.
Başladı yaralı aşklara tadilat
Masumum, dışarıdan daha masumum,
Maalesef, bunun için sana mecburum.

Yüksek uçan kuşun, yüreği sarhoşun.
Acı çeker gibi, kölesi olmuşum.
Kavga edenlere, bana küsenlere.
Yüreği çark edip, geri dönenlere.

Affet diyen kim? Ez geç diyen kim?
Aşktan çeken kim? Benim kadar...

Ölene kadar aşık olamazsın
Birisi çıkar onu anlayamazsın
Sen o tür oyunlara katlanamazsın
Senin bir kalbin var...

Hadi diyelim biri çok deli sevdi
Senin için her şeyi her şeyi verdi
Ya bir gün olur sana bel kıvırırsa?
Binlerce dansöz var...
_______
translate:
i confess to you something today ,
it starts to calm down for painful loves
i'm innocent , i'm innocent much more from outside of me ,
unfortunately ,it's the reason that i'm up for you .

birds that fly so high , guy with drunk heart ,
like feeling suffer , i became slave ,
to whom fight me , to whom miff of me ,
to whom made their sense ready , and return to me ,

who said to forgive it ,who said forget it ,
who felt pain of that love , more than me ...

you can't be a lover til you die ,
someone would pop up to you that you couldn't understand him/her
you can't play that kind of games in your life with everyone,
because you have heart too ...

lets say someone loved you so much crazy ,
she left everything because of you ... ,
but what if she jab your behind ... ?
because there is thousands of dancers in this world ...

well for starting i tell you a joke :

Question: Why Are Wives More Dangerous Than The Mafia?

Answer: The Mafia Wants Either Your Money Or Your Life... The Wives Wants Both!

let's get started but in different ways

i think i will continue to write here sometimes it's like my diary , but will try to don't talk about love after this post ... because i don't want to hurt anyone ,
everyone can fell in love sometime , yea it's right and it's easy for some people or hard for some others ...
everyone can swim through river stream but do everyone can swim opposite of that ? of not...
it's hard but do able , i think i need to do that , i won't beg for love anymore because i'm done ,it doesn't work like this...
now it's my turn to start , i'm just a bit changed , i'm not that kind of easy guys .
i won't say ah ok i loved you 1.5 years but i can forget you now because you want that ,
i never loved anything to leave it behind of me ,
but i won't talk anything about love here or in chats with you ... that light will left on in my heart i'll never turn it off ever ,

well where am i now ?
hmm now i'm at beginning again , even closer to where i started , heh
i will go military service i think , because i can't return to university anyway , even if they let me to back there . i won't do it ...

2 days ago i heard a song at the end of movie that says :

i don't care what you think
as long as it's about me
the best of us can find happiness
in misery


and i think i won't use any emoticons after now , i don't want anyone to know what i really feel
, (edited few hours later : no! lol i can't stop using them xD )
(love is mine , life is life , death is not for me )

so lets get started right now ...

phase2

phase 2

i think it's time for phase 2 ...

lol

the part of lyric of sexy back , from justin timberlake ;)

I’m bringin’ sexy back
Them other boys they don’t know how to act
I think it’s special… what’s behind your back
So turn around and and I’ll pick up the slack

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave
It’s just that no one makes me feel this way
.....

I look inside myself and see my heart is black

i'm sorry for this post :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DP2VyquMAaM

lyrics:

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

shut up D3V!L

i wanted to talk here about so many things then i said to myself : i don't want to hurt you so ... shut up D3V!L and kill that words in your mind before someone heard that ...
so i put this image as a last thing on this blog

down on my knees , i begging you ...

when i'm home i can't do anything special ... i'm just open skype and watching to offlines page :(
and listen to music , you didn't add my trial wow account , so i can't whisper you with that :|
wonder why you didn't do that , i don't even want to think about anything anymore ...................
i can't really think anymore why you don't like to come online , just maybe 1 time in week ,

i hate it , it's like you playing with my feelings :( i can't think logical anymore ,
i'm really tired of myself , i hate myself :( i don't want to be like this but i can't find any way out...
and you make it even worse with doing like these ,


i've came from body building sport 1 hour ago ,my body is not tired , but my mind is tired of everything :(

I LOVE YOU BESTRIDer

I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I LOVE YOU , bestrider

delusion thoughts lol

its Wednesday , tomorrow my internet time will expired , i wont re purchase it for some day i think ,
i wish you came online and i would tell you that i wont come online , but as always you didnt :)

today is my last day , so i will stay a bit more til you done your naxx raid , i know you wont come online ,but i like to stay a bit online and wait for you anway :)


hahahahahahahahahahah :)))))))))) , i wanna laugh at myself lol , i'm just alive with delusion thoughts lol , i want to laugh at myself !!!

cya allllll !

at least i know that you cared about me even if it was just a little ^^

i'm the guy that need to do something different always ...
i can't wait somewhere without doing anything , doing nothing can kill me :)
it's my nature and i like it ,


i'm glad that have talked to you yesterday , it was like a release for me again :)
i dont know when you will come online again , but i hope it wont be next year ;)

i know wildmoon told you to come online some times , and it wasn't your idea to do that , but
it doesnt matter whose idea it was ,
it matters that you came online and it was just for me yesterday , you thought that i need you so much and its a good point for me :) at least i know that you cared about me even if it was just a little ^^

you were online today but you didnt come online on skype ,
i think wild is right : you need time ,

i'm still so far from being perfect but i'm trying :) maybe one day i will be 99.9% perfect guy hehe ... at least i wish to be like that .

i like to analyze every single act of people that i contact em. to know them and understand them , that's why i check your stuff everyday , podc site , youtube,skype,wow,blog,
i like to know what you thinking , what you doing , i want to know everything bout you ...
you know its because you are my life /shy , i can't live without you ...



and what you will think when you see my blog some day :)

I... love you bestrider:)

you are sure they will come as always...

well as always :) i say to myself : chill man
dont take this life serious .

just 1 hour later my old friends will come to see me ^^ ,

can you guess who they are ?? can't ? ooh ... :|

the moon and stars ^^ as always, as everyday they will come to see me , and they will let me to look at em as long as i want , they will listen to my hearts songs ,

its time to go to roof again these days , weather is not cold so i sit at my roof, naked =P and look to sky , that makes me calm so nicely ,
no one can stop them to come every day , they come at same moment of last day , some times they would late few minute, BUT you are sure they will come as always ... to meet you


night will listen to you when you are sad , he will listen to you when you are glad, you can find smile at sky , or some tears when he is trying to pity with you :)

maybe i'm just a psycho person that thinks he is in love

hi, its about 1 week that i dont play wow again .
i did last raid in ulduar with my guild PODC , and said good bye to all .
its 1 week that i havent talk with you , because you didnt come online on skype even once :)
well , i never can be sure if even you thought about me these days or not ,

why i need you ? i don't understand :( why i fell in love , how ... all the same questions are still without any answer . i repeat them time by time on my mind ,

its few days that i started to think i'm sick , maybe i'm not in love i just have mind sickness , and all of these stuff are just in my mind , and they're not exist in real world ,
Is the love that i feel with you , just in my mind ... ?
i started to think there is no love in world , love is just in stories , you can't really find real love in real world , i'm not blame anyone else , its just me ...
maybe i'm just a psycho person that thinks he is in love ,

but as always i dont know what should i do about myself .
i know doctors can't help me , it's just me and you that might can help ,
i want to find a way out of this prison , but i can't , because i don't know what should i do .

it's always good to write something here , its make me calm a bit ,
i can say that i really missed youuuuuu :( , i beg you to come online once , or send a mail to me ...
you never did that befor , it was me that always did that but i beg you this time bestrider ,

i just wanna know that you havent forgot me . i just want to be sure that you care about me at least like a friend ,

i think i will write here too much these days because i'm so upset , i'm always like this when i dont talk with you

may lose everything

hmm usually i predict things and they happen after that ...

when i say i know something will happen its usually happens . they all can't be just accidents :)

at least i believe it myself that i can predict sometimes and i need to improve my skill lol

i know that soon or late i will meet you bestrider , but i don't want to say it to you now lol .

well these days i'm upset again that's why i wanted to write here today .

when my mom and dad get mad to me because i don't want to go somewhere (like my uncle's families home) with em just because i want to be online and talk or play game with you ...
or when i'm in instance with you and they keep yelling come and eat your dinner or lunch ... but i dont go because i want to be here with you .

and when i come online i see you are in instance with other people lol , and you don't really care about me that i always helping you in game , usualy i dont need stuff when i do raids ,instances with you . but you never notice that i think . when i keep myself awake til 04:00 or even some times 05:00 AM to be with you on game :) you never notice that lol
i don't know what you think on that times , but i really want to know !!
when people tell me ninja in game because i gave you the emblems or other loots from boss lol
when i leave raids when you come online or going instance or raids and need me there because it's hard to find tank and healer usually ...

when i say i do everything for you , just tell me what you want and i'll do that .
but you don't need my helps lol you dont care about me if i'm just playing game because of you .
if i spend my money and get game cards and get internet just because i want to be able to be with you ...
you don't care these ,
when i have fight with my familes , friends .. because i want to be with you !
when i left university because i want to go sweden ! when i wanna go military service here for that , while all young people in iran run from that . but i'm going there soon because i want to go sweden to meet you :)

when these all happened i just wanted to know what you thought . have you even noticed me or what i did ?

well I love you bestrider , and love is hard .

i will never forgive anyway :) i will fight anyone anywhere , just because i want to see you ^^
i may lose everything i have , but its worth because i will meet you one day and its enough for me .


i love you bestrider

i don't wanna be friends ! i wanna be your lover !

lol its really nice song ever that i heard xD

"aylin livaneli , i wanna be your lover "

bestrider i wanna sing it for you :P lol

if somebody knows ... he knows ;)

if somebody doesn't know ... he will know !

that i love you bestrider !



xD

bro's burial

well , some times i can't loging in blog :/ something block it i thing ,anyway .

yesterday my uncle died finally , he had concern for few months , today we will go to burial stuff :) ,

my dad was sad these months , it was hard to see his brother's pain everyday ,

i'm glad that i haven't seen my uncle after his sickness , now i just remember him as a healthy person that i seen before , that now gone .



sometimes i use this " :) " its smiling yea but sometimes its because i'm sad a bit xD
you laugh when you are sad , or you cry when you are happy , hehe , think no one knows when i'm really happy and when i'm sad easily if he reads this blog :) , i think its hard to know my real feeling sometimes :) ,
there is just one important feeling that i want every single one in world to know that :
I LOVE YOU BESTRIDER !


well i don't know what changed between me and you bestrider, but you don't talk and play wow with me like ago . i see this :) , well this will not change anything ^^ i love you my dear bestrider :P

weakness

i'm so weak these days,
i'm like a defenseless baby , that wouldn't able to do anything ...
i getting mad with music, getting sad with sad musics ,
i can't control myself anymore ,
i feel like cripple person :(

please talk to me bestrider ,

i'm just 20 year old boy but i fell like 800 year old man that tired of life :(
right now i wanna cry :( .
fuck me , fuck me ...

i should haven't told you that i love you :( so you would talk with me now !

its damn hard, i'm tired of everything , :( its my first time that i tell this : i really don't wanna live anymore like this :(

please talk to me bestrider .


i can't understand , but i wanna do , why all these happening to me ,
i was a lonely boy before meet you ,
i understood how to love :( how to be happy , how to live ... i learned so many
things of you , i was living in black and white life , you came and make it color !
now i can't return to black and white anymore :(
but now after all these , you don't want to talk with me because i love you :(


please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider
please talk to me bestrider

till i die !

ok , i will prepare to go sweden in few years,
and hope you will understand love soon ,

but maybe you will not let me to meet you , maybe you will not care that i left everything just for you ,
maybe you will not understand love either ,

but at least i will tell to myself i did what i had to do , and i fought til the end ... i will tell to myself i won ! because i did my best , and was not a cowered ,




it's just my imagine power of my mind :) that makes troubles for me lol
i should not think about bad things , i should not think about separating apart ,leaving , die ... and such as these things .
i should think about love, being together for ever, life, happiness ...


i think i know what love is , its you bestrider :) , its the thing that i feel it when i'm talking with you , its the thing that i should never get mad at you , it doesn't matter what ya did or do , its matter that i love you , and i will till i die!

Open your eyes

well , i think i can't forget you :) , listening the musics that you have send them to me before ,
crush and burn ,curly sue , even angels fall ...


It's a secret no one tells;
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale
Take it from me,
That's the way it's supposed to be.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes

Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.



:) , well , maybe you didn't talk with me for long time . maybe you hurt me sometimes ,
maybe i'll get mad and sad again , and so many other things that i can't guess or remember ,
but i will fight til i die for you .
i love you bestrider ^^ lol i should say : I wouldn't survive without you ,
without your musics that you sent me :)

try to enjoy your life !

hiiiiii haaaaaaaa ! lol
I love this game !
just installed guitar her and played it today xD
its soooooo coooooooool lol
i was a bit sad today , but now i'm rock ! muhahahah .

well it seems i writing in this blog again xD
nobody is around to read this but i will continue to my writings ^^ .


hmm , wonder what ya think now or what ya doing now :) i can't be mad at someone more than few hours or at least few days ^^ ,

when i left wow and my shit funny friends on that game ;) few days ago i decided to don't leave university and don't think about ya anymore lol , cos thought maybe you are really proud person bestrider :P

well , i will not back wow for long time at least maybe 1 month maybe more ,
but i still have 3 days to change my decide about university lol ,
i know you will not even send any mail , you will forget me so easy , cos you don't care anyone else except yourself lol
but i still love you :P don't know why xD ,
how i love someone that doing these things !
anyway at least i think i will get a time from university for 1 term , and it will be good time for me to prepare myself for anything in my life :)

got a good idea from watching a movie about a woman that were dieing in 3 or 4 weeks ,and she haven't care anything else in her remained life ... :

if someone tell you will die in 1 month xD what you will do ?

well my answers :
the first thing that i'll do : is coming sweden to see ya lol , befor i die xD
second : i will try to enjoy my life , and i will do anything for that ^^ .
1)i will jump from airplane ! 2) i will robbery some dangerous places lol with toy guns :P then will give back money that i got from em lol !
3) will eat any delicious food in world xD 4) i will kiss the most beautifull girl on the world :P you know who i mean haha !
5) then i will think again what else i can do befor i die lol

6) after that i done all my things , suddenly i will remember that i will live for 910 year old lol how i can die befor my time xD who the hell was that person that told me i will die and made some great days in my life ! lol

so now i want to enjoy my life ! i don't wanna get depress !
just 3 days ! hehe , will change my life ,

Love you bestrider

well , this weblog come to the end i think :)
hope i fell to write on it later ! lol




Love you bestrider ,

just wait for the day when you will look at my eyes in front of you !


well , i became MR lonely again lol ,
bestrider bestrider bestrider bestrider

please just don't destroy me :)

today , my father take me to his friend that study in turkey for phd or something i think ,
we talked about living ,working and studying in sweden or other European countries ,
he told me so many things that he knew ,
its so long that i can't write them here ,

well , not sure what to do now , but i think i just gonna continue my university ,cos you really hate me i think , you don't understand me bestrider ,
as i said always i will love you forever bestrider ,but i will not be same person,
i will try to use to be alone again :)
why i should leave my everything because of someone that don't even care for chat with me lol .
but its not your fault i know , i dont blame you , you just borne in rich country like sweden ,
you never fall in pain like Asian people or African , you never felt love maybe , you never worried about world, about other people , about anything else yourself ... ,

i will study my lessons ,i will try to be a professional in some jobs , it will take 6 years at least to done both university and military service but its nothing for me , when there is nothing out of my country ,
there is no one that cares for me there ,
but i think i will come sweden after 6 years , just because i promised for myself to meet you , but not as a same savalan that loves to fallow you always :) ,
this is a mad world that we live in it ,

i'm just glory to myself that i love someone ^^ , without knowledge her name,or face,body,family ...


i think that i will not love anyone after this :) ,
well world revolve , sometimes down it up and up is down in this world :)
i will never tell these to you on chats ,cos i don't want you to hurt , but i just wish you fall in love with someone that don't cares for you ... hope you'll love him more than yourself if ya can ,but he'll feel even less than a real friend for you ^^ ,
this is the most terrible thing that i can wish for you , cos i never want to hurt you :)
just want you to feel same that i felt for you ^^ .


well i have 5 days left to decide completly ,
to choos my lessons and study university for 6 years
or just leave it and come looking for my love bestrider in 2 years (after military) ^^
this is just up to you now , if i see you have heart i will do second ,
...


please just don't destroy me :) ,

i'm so mad !

i just hope you won't make a pathetic and crazy person of me,
that likes to destroy anything ,
bad guys in world never were bad when they born , they always become pathetic and bad because of people around them , because of their relations , they never have those problems at beginning ,


usually i'm full of hope , and kind , and like to help people , but i know that i can harm anyone if they harm me .
its like this simple sentence : " i'm not killer and i never like to kill anything even a fly , but i can kill ! " .

i will love you always , if you love me or not , but i will not be same person with same kind sense .

maybe i will just join army ,( the thing that i always hated from wars )

or will be some political one (that i hate it also)







i'm just mad now , maybe that's why i say stupid things like this lol ,

wanna tear apart everything , when you don't talk with me :S

ok :) waited few hours , you still didnt come on .

i'm thinking and just discovered something .

i want to come sweden just because of you , i still want to do it but i think my chance is below 1% that you may love me :)
because if you don't like me you will not love me later i think .
i loved you so fast ,
i can't want you to feel same ...
you are most similar person to me that i ever talked , but maybe there is some differences ,
you don't want to love anyone , not sure why , maybe you just think you have ugly face because of your accident few years ago , or some other problems that i still don't know . but i'm sure that you don't want to love .
if i come sweden and you still were same like now , that dont want me to be around like now .
what i will do ? will i say ok bye bestrider i going to iran again !?? no way hehe .
i gonna do military service and leave university because of you ! so what i will do if you just tell me : " i don't want you to fallow me always !" or " don't whisper me anymore in anachronos ,els ei will ignor you !" as you said it befor also .
you even don't want me to whisper !
even real friend never say it to each other :( .
you really hate me ,
you hurt me always ,
you confuse me always ,
why you just don't understand that i really love you :( .

these are the things that always i thinking about them .
i want to come sweden , beside of you , to study or work there ! to live there, because of you ,
while you say don't whisper me :) .
i still wonderd that how you told that to me .


there is something important that i still don't know about you !


anyway i just have 1 week to decide :
to leave all i have here and go military service then looking for you in sweden ,

or just leave wow and all other online friends . and be alone like i used to it ,


because i can't hold this anymore , i'm just destroying myselfe , with doing nothing . with tousends thoughts , i'm always upset .
when you talk with me , i become relaxe and feel so good ,
and when you suddenly going off for few days , and play in that fucked realm , and don't talk with me
i just going crazy like now . and i want to tear apart everything , i want to destroy everything ,