sometimes

some times you don't like yourself , or actually you start to hate yourself ,
you look around ya and see everyone trying to do something for you by their own ways ,
they all think they know world better than you , and you have a feeling that they don't ,
you get mad at em every now and then , you get mad because you don't know what you should do,
and you don't try the ways that others tell to ya ,
well today i have feeling like things that i said above , but i know i'm wrong , i know this feeling ,
i guess there is no many ppl that know what feeling they have exactly , but at least i know it about myself and i can explain it most of times on this blog ,

actually today i hated myself again , however i know that i need to love myself before anything or anyone else ,
but i see that i can't manage things easily , i fails at almost everything these days ,
i know that i'm not worry about money that much , i'm not worry about studying , traveling ,military service , friends, families and etc etc ... i'm not worry that you may not love me laters ,
because that depends on you , not me, i can't make you or anyone else to love or don't love truly .
THE only thing that i'm worry about and i'm thinking about is that i will fail at doing my mission , at make myself better and finding ya out there , as i said i'm not talking about loving each other because it's the thing that can happen later also , but the important thing is that i must not fail at
getting mature and getting better , but i'm afraid to fail at it like always ,

hey blog i know that i just come here to write on ya just when i feel not good usually :) i'm sorry about that , but you are the only one that i feel better when i write and talk with ya in my lonely times .

i'm afraid to be failure again , afraid that i won't be able to do my job right ...

what the fuck i'm doing these days , what have happened to me... ? why i'm so lazy and can't do anything special even when i liked it before ... doing nothing ? why !? why i can't start anything right and end it truly ...

well anyway , today i'm sick also , i just drank dissolute milk few hours ago and i'm sick now :)
everyone asleep in house , but no need medicine or anything , it will go alright soon , i'm not worry about it , a dissolute milk haven't killed anyone yet hehe .