Sahara

once apon a time i was a great sea .
tons of fishes were swiming in my heart ,
thousands of birds were flying on my head ,
humans have had their boats to cross of my sides
& their submarines were digging in my depth of body .

but one day i found myself in love with the golden sun .
we've spend times together for years ,
we've talked everyday for million times :)
i was suffering of being away... i couldn't reach to her...
i've lost my blue silence.
i've lost my storming days .
i've lost my best friend THE WIND.

but i decided ! i chose the hardest way .
i chose to change my life .
i gave all i've had to her .
& became a Sahara just to be golden like her :)

here for 24 hours

yea it's me , savalan , it's almost 9 months that i'm a soldier in barracks(army) , i tried alot to get transfered to my own city but the asshole commanders didn't let me til now , 2 weeks later dad will go taheran again to see AL hashim for my transferin ,

what ever ... i said once that i'll endure any pains just to meet ya :)

i was reading goethe's book "the sarrows of the young wherther" , and i could say i loved it ,
he is the one that understands love , like the way i do :)

at a somewhere he says : "the best thing that we can do is Enduring and standing still for pains "

i wanna talk alot more about this book and the sentences that are so fimilar to my diary on this blog :) (in my thoughts) , but i have no time atm i have to return to the stupid barracks in few hours .

i just wanna say i'm a human and i still have my senses :)
i love ya what ever your name is ...
plz take care yourself . you are the best thing in my life ,

cya laters .

hey there :) im at home again ! i have 4 more free days before going to "Maraghe"
i'm done with army training , and atm i do counted as a real soldier with corporal rank :)
well don't want to talk about army things much right now ,
i just watched the manga's eurovision song and suddenly saw it's exactly my story lol

"we could be the same"

http://www.youtube.com/v/Pdw27j_usP0&hl=en_US&fs=1&

and here is the lyric :

You could be the one in my dreams
You could be much more than you seem
Anything I wanted in life

Do you understand what I mean?

I can see that this could be faith
I can love you more than they hate

Doesn’t matter who they will blame
We can beat them at their own game

I can see it in your eyes
It doesn’t count as a surprise
I see you dancing like a star
No matter how different we are

For all this time I’ve been loving you
Don’t even know your name

For just one night, we could be the same
No matter what they say

And I feel I’m turning the page
And I feel the world is a stage

I don’t think that drama will stop
I don’t think they’ll give up the rage

But i know the world could be great
I can love you more than they hate

Doesn’t matter who they will blame
We can beat them at their own game

I can see it in your eyes
It doesn’t count as a surprise
I see you dancing like a star
No matter how different we are

For all this time I’ve been loving you
Don’t even know your name

For just one night, we could be the same
No matter what they say

For all this time I’ve been loving you
Don’t even know your name

For just one night, we could be the same
No matter what they say

No matter what they say
No matter what they say

We could be the same
No matter what they say

love you all the whole world :)

IF your going to read this blog , plz just read this last post , or read this one first and last of other at least ;)


well few hours last from my last post , and now i feel like the REAL Savalan lol .
energyfull , strong , happy , ...
ooh btw i promis this is going to be my last post for long time haha ,
i know i'm different than others , in fact everyone is different somehow ,
these all are emotions , you might be upset or sad for a while and you could get better and happy and charming in few minutes/hour .

i was watching the movie "the curious case of Benjamin button " it's about guy that borns as an old child , and gets younger instead of getting old like all other normal people .

remember bestrider , you are so special for me , i'm not saying compliments , but i feel like i am special and you are special too , well these are in my minds and no one could tell me what i can or can't think about ^,^ i think we are meant to be each other , i'm not talking about god or fate or other bullshits =P i'm just believing in myself and you and this life we have ,

remember this , never let anyone to tell you "what you can't do " and stuffs like this , getting advices are not bad , but always listen to your heart and be free from any old school thoughts ,
we have to fight for what we want , otherwise we are not different than a dead corps lying in graves :)

as always i'm not scared or regret of choosing to join army and lovin you , because i know it is the fastest way to meet you , and that's is the only thing thats matter for me atm ,

i'm not going to push you in anyway , you have your own mind to decide ofc ,
but i'll do what ever i could to be a good friend for you even if you don't love me like the way i do for you ^,^ you will be always my best friend , no matter what we do ,
and i'll do what ever i could to earn your love too , and yea i am proud of myself in my life (no matter what i've done or i will) ,


i'll always love you bestrider ,




well lets see what we'll been through in these years , i'm NOT saying that i'm best for you or i'm not saying that you owe me anything for the things i did or i will , you don't owe me anything .
because i know that i'm doing these all by my own willing , and it's just because i love you and i could do anything for my love ,
and the only thing that i want from you is "to don't avoid me pleasee "

but there is a fact which you could think about it :) ---> there isn't many guys like me on world , to do anything close to things i would do for you , you are lovable and special , but i think no one could love you the way i do... without meeting you in real til this day (well we will soon) .
and i hope you'll understand it soon .


ooh right it is a beautiful weather out there , with moon and clouds , it seems so nice , and it changes every few min ^,^
ok going to finish watching that movie before i sleep ,

love you all the whole world :)
specially my bestrider , hope you won't avoid me and answer my mails when i'm be gone 4 days later :) love ya ...



savalan

i need you now ... i want to talk to youuuuuuuuuuuuuu , plzzzzzzzzzzz ...
i don't want to suffer , i want to YELL !!!! i want the whole world to hear meeee ...

i WAAAAAAAAANT YOUUUUU to don't avoid me plzzzzz ,

i hate this limits in this world , why we have these rules for us !!! aren't we just like an animal that thinks ? then why we have these damn bullshit rules , why we can't love each other ...

fuck you allll people , but i love you bestrider ... i love you life ,

i love life but i hate world :( ... i don't know what i'm saying , i'm completely out of my mind right now ...
______________________


added few min later :
hope you are fine ... just checked wow to see if your on ,but you are not , anyway i guess you are fine , it said you were logged at youtube 16 min ago , when i checked it ,
just hopping that your fever thing it better (don't know what sickness was that so .. you didn't tell me) , 3-4 days remains til i be gone ,
i wish that you talk to me these last days , before i go crazy ...


HEH what a miserable person i am ........

the man with the plan

i was writing about you and myself as my last post here ,
((((((((( ive wrote that i love you bestrider and i'll take any risk to meet you , or i'll just leave sweden if i see i would hurt you by coming there and meet you :)

but i think i have told these thousands of time , you know that i love you and i will always :)
and yes the reason that i'm doing military and go to sweden is you ,
or better to say the main reason if ME :) because i want you by my side , i love you and ofc i want you to love me too , and no need to play with words here , )))))))))
but i just deleted the things that i was writing few hours ago , and now i'm writing a new post here ,
i just watched an underground movie of iran about young people that are not allowed to play music , or leave iran etc ...

some times i want to just flee and forget everything in iran and just hug and hold you bestrider ,
but sometimes i feel like i have to do something for my country and human being , instead running away ,

but now i kinda know what i want :) i'm changing to "the man with the plan" .

i'll do military service for 18 months , i'll try to learn english and swedish as well during these 2 years , i'll apply for university at sweden , and i will meet the most important person in my life which is you bestrider ,
but then while i'm in a free country i'll try to help people in iran or other dictator countries , i will try to make or work for human rights companies , which helps people at so many matters which i might don't know all atm ,
i'll try to get a good education and job ofc , and i hope you will help me bestrider ,
i will be a pro person at music and design (which can do it at university) , these two things are the most important thing to fight against dictators , i can make alots of money too to build my company and help humans ,
i know sometimes i hate people because i don't like what they do , and i like to be alone most of times , but today i know that we have to learn to live together , i will help people because they can't help themselves , i know i have power to be someone useful and i will do it ,





i'll do what i have to do in my life ... and remember this bestrider :)

i love you and i will always


----->i will not post anymore after this on this blog for a while <-----


_____________________________
My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn't find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamilliar line
And then she gave to me more summer wine

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime
And left me cravin' for more summer wine

!!WARNING !!

!!WARNING !! if you are bestrider OR if you know her ...
try to don't read my post ... i don't want to cause you upset !

if someone doesn't love you the way you want him/her to ... it doesn't mean she doesn't love you by all she has got :)

this is really a big and meaningful sentence i think

well anyway :) it's the last day of winter (and this year 1388) , tomorrow is the beginning of spring and new year(it's tiger year i think hehe ) ... and a new life for me i guess :)



i got to endure hardest things and win this ^,^ i'm not going to be a loser at my life forever :) yea you know what i'm talking about , you know why ive made this blog i guess =P

______________________________________________

uc nokta bir


Yarım kalmış fıkrayım
Ben içimde bir tuhafım
Dışımda hep insanım

Bitmeyen bir kavgayım
Kusursuz bir hatayım
Ben yıpranmış bir inancım
Kendime bir cezayım

Değişmem bundan sonra
Değişmem bundan sonra ben

Ben yüz yıllık bir çınarım
Yorgunum ve yaşlıyım
Ben içimde bir başkayım
Dışımda hep aynıyım

Susmayan bir arsızım
Solup gitmiş sayfayım
Ben yıpranmış bir inancım
Ömür boyu yastayım

Değişmem bundan sonra
Değişmem bundan sonra
Değişmem bundan sonra ben

damn perfect

i'm so thoughtful now ... i'm thinking about you and me ofc

i'm thinking that what if some day i get to know that you could be happier without me around ...
what i would do ? i don't know that really ,
what if one day i see that i make you feel uncomfortable ... or even im doing it by insisting my love for you ...
what would happen .. ? tell me plz someone tell me THE answer plzzz

i thought that i could make you happy , but what if i'm wrong and i have completely opposite effect on you ...
i love you from bottom of my heart and i will always , but i would never want to see uneasy ,

i don't care what job or what education i'll get i don't care about anything BUT you ,
without you i'm nothing and i don't want anything on this world without you ,

this is not compliments ... this is my hearts words bestrider ,
i believe at me but i'm not sure if i'm good enough for you :( or if i'll be good enough for you ,
you are so good at anything ... you are so damn perfect

to the future

these are my last posts of me before i go to military , about 30 days remain til that ,

SO i want you to know something important bestrider , i want to make you sure about something ,

i would never try to hurt you , but if i have done it before ... it was by mistake or misunderstanding , and i'm strong enough
to say sorry about everything that i've done to you ,
and SORRY for anything that i might do by mistake in future , as i said i would never let you to suffer for any reason ,
i could sacrifice myself to protect you at any matters ,

i love you and i love the ones/things that you love them :)

i'm just trying to give me a new chance , by getting passport in 2 years and go sweden for study , but the main reason of
my migration is you , i have never told this to you , but yea i would never go sweden if you were not there :)

i'll try to chat/talk with you or just send you mails when i do go in army , and i hope you will answer and help me to pass
these hard days ,

i like to to see you smiling and happy always (never seen you though=P ) , but i'll do my best to do that for you :)

cheers , to the future ^.^ haha i just drink water don't worry =P i'm still crazy xD i'll drink water til i dieeee lol

your best friend savalan

kapiyi kapat sessizce - close the door slowly

kapiyi kapat sessizce - close the door slowly

today ...
i have reasons to be happy and laugh ,
and i have a reason to be sad and cry ,

and Ive chose to laugh and be sad








(who has never tasted what is bitter ... does not know what is sweet ;) )

well we talked now :) but i don't know the main reason of yours for not coming online anyway ,
you just said that you were studding for 1 day and playing game i think for rest ,
and you just said "=P" when i told you that i was wondering if i did something wrong that you didn't show up on messenger for 4 days , even though you usually come online even while you are raiding ( like today) ,

well what ever it was , hope that you have cleared your mind of extra thoughts :) by not talking with me these days ,

this hand writing on a money paper is so sad :)

ok gonna translate it here ,
that guy says :

time: 11:15 night
i'm at my job guarding (as soldier not sure what's the correct word when a soldier guarding a place ) 2006/3 /2

fuck this military things
which fucked me up ...

my girl friend is a mother now , (means he got married by someone else so this guy have he lost her)
and i'm still a soldier out here ....

today i did chat with taher one of my old friends that was(and is) in love with a girl from another city of iran ,
his condition is almost same as me except that his love is in same country and so close to him (different cities though) , but he has same troubles like me about money/military service/university/family etc etc ..
he said brb while we were chatting and after some minute that he returned , he told me that his girl friend had called him ,
and told him that it is raining so i got sad ... and asked him that when you will come to her city ...
because shes feeling lonely... ,

and taher have told me before that he wants to go there but he needs money to fly there by airplane just for 1 day !! and he needs money to buy a gift for her ... and that has to be soooo expensive or big gift ...pfff

i told him that wtf are you doing taher !! your friend wants you to be there and you're thinking about MONEY right now ? FOR some stupid GIFTs ?
you have to go there but NOT by airplane , you can just take bus and it won't take more than 6-7 hours to be there !! and 1 DAY isn't enough ,
don't be stupid taher ! your friend wants you to be there and you slack ... be a man !you have to be there when she needs you !! to be with her and may have fun by going around and it doen't cost money THAT muuuuch .

and told him that if it was my friend(bestrider i mean) that asked me to be there , i would even start running RIGHT NOW ! to be there as fast as possible ! without passport without waiting even 1 SEC !! but unfortunately my problem is a bit more than taher ,

and i hope he won't do anything wrong on his relation with her really , i know he loves her and she might love him back , and it's enough for now , she has to see him like a man that goes all these ways just to see and be around with her for 1-3 days at least ,

13

hahaha , i knew it xD i can't wait for you mail =P i know you're playing wow because i've seen you ;)
you care about wow and your gears there ... more than your friends/families i guess =P but all will be fine anyway :)

i'm gonna send mail to ask where are you been all these days xD (but not today , i'll do it tomorrow if you don't show up on internet again )

hahahahahaha , this is not weakness , it's something that other ppl can't do really lol
they just wait and wait until it goes so late to react =P
but i can't lol



YES YES i'm crazy bad boy xD and my number is 13 ! haha

the conversation between boy and girl before and after THE marriage xD

boy : it's time now , i've been waiting for this
girl: do you wanna leave me ?

boy:don't even think about that
girl:do you love me ?

boy:ofc ! always !
girl:have you cheated on me ?

boy:no ? why do you ask !
girl: would you kiss me ?

boy:ofc , everyday !
girl:will you hit me ?

boy:are you crazy ?? i'm not that kind of person ...
girl:can i ... trust you ?

boy:yes
girl: dear ...




and now read the sentences upward hehe from bottom to top ^^

you know i'm crazy boy ;)
i could stop talking with anyone , but i'll still love them :)
even though while you want me to think that you are a bad person ...
i'm sure you are an angel lol


i don't have the way back ^^ , i can't get back the things that i have lost , and yea ofc i don't say it was anyone's fault :)
i have chose my path to meet you in real and gave a new chance to the world :) and i'll do it ,

emm i guess i feel like last year ... when i was feeling so bad , hmm but no :) i'm not gonna get sick of love like ago ,
i'm not a mental , i just in love , but i just feel love a bit more than other people because my emotions are strong , and it would make me some troubles later as it did earlier too ,


haha it feels like last year when you were playing wow , and i was waiting whole nights for you ,
but ill just let it go as your wishes :) it doesn't matter what happens to me , i wouldn't let anything to hurt you , so i'm gonna obey and won't get online like you want to bestrider :)
3 days without getting online means something even though you were playing wow , there is a meaning of behind this , the things that you do i mean :)



i will just wait for you to send me a mail , if you do though ofc,
i have to get used to this loneliness anyway , because when i join to that stupid army , i wouldn't even be able to send you mails in weeks :) and you know this too ,


i'll do what i wanted to do anyway , but your mails or chats just make it easier , but even without those ... i'll survive anyway but it would be so hard yea , so i hope for easy ways :)
i am stronger that you've thought bestrider ,



i'm writing on this blog , just to read these some years later to remind me how i was ;)


and as you've declared that you don't read this blog :) i'm gonna yell this words every times !!
I LOVE YOU BESTRIDER

i'm gonna change the way i'm talking or thinking a bit ,

YOU ARE MINE and I'M YOURS xD
YOU will understand what the love means bestrider ^^ soon , you will grow as i'll do too :)

my last breath - evenescence

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

the time freeze on 12 o clock

hmm few hours past since my last post :) and i feel good now hehe it's 6:50 AM ! which means it's morning atm =P and i'm gonna sleep now
you know i'm instant and i can't be sad for much time ^^

i have talked with my friend too , ali or hellish /doomjudge which are his nicknames on game ,
you know it's always good to talk with someone like or even worse then you =P
he said many things about himself about the girls that he had and etc ... which i'm not gonna tell it here =P
well anyway i took a shower and i was thinking that i'm feeling good ^^ and then my sister arrived home ! haha she just arrived when i was in shower , and gave me some advertising about england universities ^^ .


ooh btw before i go for shower , i looked at clock , it doesn't work because of low battery , and it's on 12 o clock , but i liked it ^^ , it was like freezing time when i'm in fine(love) mood xD

at the times like this i love everyone , specially you bestrider like always , i love you like you are , you would behave not nice to me =P but i love you anyway at this way or another ^^ ,


as i said before : get sad by a reason but be happy without reason xd haha it's one of my own proverbs =P deviltabriz !!

because you suck Savalan

hmm was surfing web and just searched on google : i feel alone
so found some websites which ppl have discussed about being alone , mostly young ppl like me .
or even some guys with wife ... etc etc
and i just posted some little part of my story on 1 of those sites

i checked wow and you were online again hehe , i haven't talked to you since yesterday at school ,
you were playing wow as well yesterday and didn't come online , not i don't wanna chase you
like the way i did 1 year ago on anachronos realm , because it hurts me when i see you're online
and playing and you don't want to come online just to say hi to me :)
i'm gonna say it's not your fault and you have just forgot or you just don't know that i always w8 for you at your school time or nights just to talk with ya ,
but notTHIS time i won't say those old things :)
i think you're afraid of felling in love , yep you don't want to do that , and you try to do other stuffs to forget those feelings to skip it, but in other way you know that you hurt me , and you want to find a answer for not doing that , BUT you couldn't do it ,
so you're fighting in your mind some times , but as i know you .. you don't like to think a lot about the stuffs that bothering you :)

but without looking these ...some times you come online on messengers just to talk with me ,
and yes yesterday it was your mistake that you have came online on skype so you did put busy status , but you have thought that it would be not true because i've seen you lol you closed skype and came online on yahoo as invisible ,
but in fact i didn't want to talk with you , because i knew it wasn't by your willing to do that really , so i just said that i'm gonna take a shower to make you comfortable to go off easily :)
and you answer made me more certain about that :) when you said ooh ok i think i won't be online after that hehe :)


well lets say i'm wrong and this is just my strong or sick imagination ;)
but the fact this won't help you to get online ,
you know i don't play game and i usually don't have anything special at nights or at your school time ,
so i just come online because i want to talk with youuuuuuuu
i have told that thousands of times to you , so im not wrong at this one ,
even friends wouldn't do this to each other ...


you know i will be so sad and alone soon(becuase i don't play games anymore with youuu ! and i'll go to army sooon ) ,
even though you play wow like nothing have happened , i'm not talking about love here .... i know you're scared of it , i know you don't want to accept it atm , i'm just saying that you could JUST come online for 5 min to say hi i'm playing wow or tell me that i don't have the fucking time to talk with you today or tomorrow or for years !! because your suck savalan , because you fell in love with me so i don't want to talk with you !!
because i'm afraid of fell in love ! because you are stupid Savalan ! because because
because
because
because.........................

since 20 years ago !

it's 2:46 right now , and around 12:15 in sweden , well it's late so guess you won't come online today , so i don't have anything to do now , better to get sleep then ,

i was thinking ... that suddenly i remembered my childish time when i had fever :)
it was like 10 years ago when i was around 10 i guess ,
i had cold and fever and my grand mom was in our house too ,
i don't remember it but they said that i had fever and was sleeping ... then i just wake up ! and yell at my mom !!! xD : " 20 ildi diyiram ustumi chah ! " (i don't remember if i have said this too : pokh or eshah )

which it means " i am telling you since 20 year ago ! to cover me by my coverlet " lol
and as i said i was 10 or something xD

and guess what =P i'm just 20 year old now xD and remembered it haha

grown vs child or mature plus child

hey myself :)
gonna talk about growing today(being mature) ,

yea you were right bestrider , you act like you are much grown than wild as she said though =P
and i know that you are such a mature girl than many other girls at your age , as the way you think ,
you mind works alot better than other girls or boys like yourself ,
you are completely different than others , and i can feel that more than yourself sometimes :)

when you went to podc meeting to see other guildies it was starting of growing i think ,
as wild said =P she pulled the trigger lol , and since that day you've changed alot xD

it's so good to be a grown man/woman but i also say that you have to save your inner childish inside , because it improves your imagination , or it helps you to be happy , a kid usually likes stuffs fast than grown men :) , and their world are alot bigger than grown ones , because they have all their senses together , which those senses aren't seperated yet , the man gets stronger in some senses and some other senses get weaker in him when he grows and be a grown man :)

the ppl that usually make change in our world haven't lost their senses , they were/are not just an ordinary men , they could change themselves or others ,


i'm not saying that i'm a grown man , but i'm alot better than my friends or at least the ones that i know til this day , and i have tried to don't lost my senses , sometimes i remember my childish senses which ppl would never even think about that ,
for example few days ago when i was walking on the street , i just felt the same way like when i was 10-11 , when it was like a butter fly in my stomach ,well can't explain it by words right now , and i don't remember that feeling 100% , it was like 1-2 second of my childhood feelings ,
that could happen by some familiar smells like rain or soil , or some places that i've liked to be there when i was little ,
i really like to remember them though , but it's hard , and so many ppl don't even remember if they were different before =P but i do ,


and for you bestrider :) first of all im gonna say this : i love you xD don't get mad haha i'm innocent , it's not in my hands to stop loving ya =P i just love you and i will .

then i wish you to grow and be independent for yourself in your life ofc , but hope you'll never lose your senses , it's the key of success and happiness to act like child sometimes and be a grown in sometimes ^.^




ah another say that i'm gonna say before i die in bed xD
i never get bored of talking with ya , i usually do when i'm with any of my friends even the best ones ^^ , but even when we are online but not talking atm , i just feel so good that you are there and you'll answer to me or you would say something soon xD

as i remember that i've told it once before on this blog ,
i can just sit in front of you and watch you whole day without getting bored of anything :)
while the world and the ppl are active , i could just watch and observe you for days =P without saying a word ,
and gonna say this one also again: hope one day you'll understand how i feel for you :) and read this blog together one day =P

i love you , good night :)

i have drew this one 4-5 days ago but few min ago added some effects and a glass :) on this cow skull , so it's ready to be uploaded

yayaya xD just finished this ^^

sing now

it's so nice song and lyrics , i guess first part is for me and second part is for you
bestrider lol    haha ^^


sing now -"john scatman"                

Maybe we should stop pretending
And start believing dreams come true
The story has a happy ending
It all depends on me and you
This is the sunrise
It's the beginning of the dawn
Gotta believe me,believe in the sun


There isn't any time for secrets
You know the truth is finally out
Everything is in the music
It's time for us to stand and shout
This is the sunrise
It's the beginning of the dawn
Gotta believe me,believe in the sun

i'm one of the world's wonders ! the greatest one !!

mandolins play !!!moon show yourself !
sky get darker !!! wind bloW !!!
crow and cats wake up !! dogs start to yap !
i command you all to bow for my wishes !!!!!!!!!
some know me as deviltabriz !!!! and some know as Sultan Savalan !!
but you could never know me completely ! what i'll do few sec later !?
you never can guess ! i'm instant guy ! you can't even read my mind !!
because i can do things without planning and thinking when i want !!

be aware of my power , this world never seen anyone like meee !
i'm one of the world's wonders ! the greatest one !!!!

but don't worry haha i'm not gonna eat you in your bed xD i'm just trying to make some fun lol

today is one of my greatest days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i can't say whyyyyyyy hahaha and you can't guess , i know =P and be sure that what ever which you guessed was wrong ;) haha

hmm i tried to don't expect much from anyone , specially from you bestrider ,
i wanted to don't expect you to be like me , and be online because of me or come earlier on net ,
make something for me etc . .
but i see that i still some times expecting much from you , you were raiding in wow , and you said and you came online 15 min ago (2:45 AM) ,

but i think i have to understand that raiding is much fun than talking with me ofc ,
i should not expect you to do anything really ,
i would try to force something to my friends or families or other people ,
but i would never could force anything to ya , you know it :)

you see that i can't even tell these to your face , because i'm afraid that you stop talking with me ,
but i feel like this is wrong to tell my thoughts just here ... instead of talking face to face with you ,
this may cause problem laters ... (if there be later times anyway ) .


on these last years i learned alot of you , you made me to learn love(even though you don't know it yourself) / we had so much fun / we helped each other many times (your helps were more worth than my helps i think, i'm not talking about helping in wow) /
we suffered each other too , but it's the thing that everyone would have between them even as friends you would be mad some times upon each other and be the kindest person after a while again :)

right now you are in instance , i know that i was waiting whole day to talk with you (were almost going off because thought you won't show up like 2 days ago) , but atm i can't talk with ya because i don't want to interrupt ya , you'll go offline again in few min cause you got school tomorrow thought , and i'll be by myself again ...

well what ever , i have to learn to be alone , better to get used to it more than this , my greatest lone times are close ... and i can't help it unless learning to survive of anything which will happen to me or others in my life ,

my new story which i'll start soon (maybe tomorrow)

i got an idea about a new story :

felan be farsi minevisamesh : in dastan raje be 5 ta marde ke 2-3 k sal pish zendegi mikardan , oona pishbini karde bodan ke yek tamaddone khoob lazeme ke ensan haro nejat bede , vali in tamaddon baiad tori bashe ke bonye haie aslie oon be hich vajhi ba hich toofani az ja kande va ba bad be hadar nare , iran jayi hast ke oona in karo kardan ,
esme one shaiad intori bashe :( tambuz , karok , lande , yomes , va 1 ki dige ke badan fekresho mikonam )
ye chizi mesle ine hala kamo ziyadesh badan minevisam :

bad mivazid , va atish ra ba khodash miraghsand ,
setare ha ziyad dide nemishodan , vali mah dar asemone abri hanoz ham dide mishod ,
oona doore atish neshaste bodan va to fekr bodan ,
har kodom az oona az ye mantaghe az irane oon zaman bodan , bozorgtarin keshvare donyaie oon zaman , faghat yomes bod ke kasi be dorosty nemidonest ahle koja bood , va hame faghat ono dar safar dide bodan ,
.....
.....
tambuz goft age gharare inkaro bokonim , nemishe faghat ino bara yek daste az mardom bashe ,
baiad be chand bakhsh tabdil konimesh ta age sadameyi bebine az bein nare va bakhsh haie dige oono takmilesh konan ,
lante ba tekan dadane sarash be tayide harfe tambuz goft , inja zamani momkene be yeki az keshvaraie kochak va farghi ham tabdil beshe , chon dar hich donyayi emperatori baraie hamishe baghi nemimone va yek zamani ro be zeval mire , pas ta hadde momken baiad inaro ba deghat entekhab konim ,
yomes goft vali hich kas nabaiad maro be khater dashte bashe , hatta esme ma ham baiad az yade ensan ha bere , ta zamani ke zamanesh berese va khodeshon betonan ma va kari ro ke barashon kardim ro befahman ,
.. va gheyre be zoooodi az shabakeie deviltabriz hehe ,

and LAST edit :) which i finished it now , i took picture with cellphone and edited xD
that guy with an stick in his hand is me ofc =P

just done this :) but maybe i add my own pic into it tomorrow xD or change moon's color

an angel cat

an angel cat =P
i made this photo today xD by photoshop ofc :)
my friend eva told me that she wants to be a cat ooh a bird ooh the best: a cat with wings ^^ so i made this one for her :)
hope she'll likes it xD

made this one for you , but i just post it here , won't show that to ya anyway ^^ ,
i'm still new on painting with tablet but they are good as my first works , i'm still learning these painter programs :)

i drew 2 paints today , this girls isn't completed yet , but not into finishing it xD i actually liked it like this for now :)

feels like home

i wasn't sleepy so i watched a movie , i had this movie in my hard disc for long time maybe few months , and i didn't want to watch it before , because it was about cancer
the movie's name was : my sister's keeper :) and i think it was nice ,
no i'm not gonna tell the story here :) if you want to know that , you have to watch it yourself ,

i just came on blog to write the lyrics of a song : " feels like home " i can say i loved it :)

there you go :


Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Chorus: Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much <---------- :) this is my special part

Chorus

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

good luck and long live

today i'm gonna talk about lillithum one of my "INTERNET" friends (she insists on this internet word ;) )

she got a problem that she didn't tell me what was that really , i just translated her comments which were written in polish , and recognized from her mails to me that she is so upset , and she thought about killing herself , and then the mentioned that by herself later ...
i tried to help her with my mails , because i thought i could help :) comparing her with my own problems which i've been through these years , but she said that i'm wrong and i don't know her and her problems , and this is just damn "internet" friendship , not even worse like real life hehe :)
well the details are in my mail , i'm not gonna write whole mails here =P

i'm just wanna tell you here , my problems were not really bad ones ,



it was nothing to see a women smashed under car ,

it wasen't important that my uncle died and if i was 5-6 hours earlier to get him to hospital he would be alive right now ,

it doesn't matter that i couldn't cry neither when my granpa nor my 3 uncles died , (2 of my dad's bros , and 1 my mom's bro )

it's not important that my friend killed himself , and my other friend tried to do it 1 year ago but he couldn't (i'm glad for this :) )

it's not bad to see people dieing of hunger in your country while other other damn people have castles of gold and money to live ,

it's good to have chaos in your country , with a dictator government which kills young like me everyday , because we just want some simple rights of ours !!

it's alright that someone like me loved a girl more than anything , left university , going military (while every one flees from that )
just to be able to meet her by any costs of my life :) (no no .... i'm not regret hehe )

it's fine that i couldn't go out or play with other children because of my sick skin ,

hmm i can't remember other events in my life at the moment :) about religious / death /study /money / friends / etc
but you see i'm still here and i'm laughing ,
you can't imagine how many times i thought about dieing and living every day of my life ;)
i can't even count how many times i was upset and wanted to be no more on this world , but i got hope again and got healed fast ,

but you're right i don't know your problem or problems... eva (Emily ,lillithum or what else) ,
as i said in mail , no one can help ya , unless you want to get help ,
it's just you and yourself :) neither me nor anyone else can change your mind easily ,
i told you that if you do that or if you ignore me , i won't get mad , i would just sad for some while that i lost a friends (even if it was internet relation lol ) , like anything else that i've lost before , but i will live and the world will not stop of spinning around :)

and i know there is no many people that could harm themselves or do suicide ,
it's really hard thing to do ,
and i guess you are not one of those people :) (at least i hope you're not )

i don't wanna say i'm mature , but if you live and get mature some years later , i'm sure you would laugh at yourself ,
life is not hell it has so many beautiful things too ,
otherwise without hope... i would've killed myself long ago by all the things that i've seen in my life :)



hope after we remain as friends and meet after some years :) when all these problems passed .( and we get new problems hehe ) .


and my curse upon of you :
good luck and long live eva ^^

i'm scatman

xD this songs made my day before sleep haha ! scatman rocks !!! never heard him before ,
90s music , everybody jam !! haha

well lets write today's memories ^^ abit

i was sleeping at evening , i woke up and went near window to open it , then noticed it says :
kamr... has sent you a message ! (i'm using imo.im to get online with skype though )
i guess i was a bit sleepy xD i just readed it as this
karugon has sent you a message haha , i just ran to sit behind pc omg lol was almost hurt myself or the stuffs near me haha !!
and i clicked on message and readed:
hi bro
how are you
are you there
are you there

lol i was wondering about that message ! she never talked like this o.0!! i was thinking ooh damn you savalan you haven't heard bestrider's message when you were asleep
all those thoughts came in mine in 1-2 seconds though lol
then suddenly i saw it says: kamran !!
he is my friend from afghanistan haha
i guess i would die of laughing xD

this event was one of the usual events that have happened to me on skype because i always think about you bestrider =P expected that it's your that sending message hehe

something like this have happened to me before also xD when amir started to use skype for first time , and i had only you before that in my friend lists =P so i just used to hear skype sound and talk with my greatest friend on this world (means you ofc ^^) , and those days i almost broke stuffs to come and sit behind PC when amir sent messages haha ,


well this was a good memory to write down today^^

and i'm scatman !!!!! hahaha i just loved you scatman , i'm downloading your discography right now :) don't know if you are alive or dead , but seems musics are old and there is no new ones so guess dead :) i will have great moments by your songs ^^ ,
i just saw my own personality in this 2 songs of yours which i listened til now :)

sev seni seveni yerle yeksan olsa

sevme seni sevmieni mesera sultan olsa


english :

love the who loves you even if he is nobody

don't love the one that doesn't love you even if he is king of Egypt

playing ball

hehe i'm thinking about an idea today , i wanna make some fun movies , it's 5:46 AM and i can't sleep because i have so many things to think about lol ,
was surfing youtube and saw some guys that playing ball in their movie , in different scenes ofc
for example i throw the ball from home , and my friend gets it in his home (video) and throw it to other one , i think this could be so fun to make xD
for example imagine podc wow guild's players ... playing with ball and throwing it to each other .
i know that bestrider wouldn't accept it , because she still hiding/chasing =P
but i'm gonna take my chance ,
first i will make a simple one with one of my friends , that i gonna tell them tomorrow , and then i will write it in forums of guild to see how many people are interested in it :)
they have to have cameras at least and be able to upload movie to give it to me , and i think most of them already know how to do it anyway .

yes it's me , who else could it be :)
but i'm not feeling bad , i'm not feeling great , sad, upset or anything , i don't feel anything special atm :) but i like to memorize my thoughts here .
through the last years i had so many times that i were upset or i was mad , and ofc i had times that i felt great too :) i experienced in love , i suffered in it and i guess i made you to be suffered too , well anyway ,
i think it was some great times in my life that i learned so many things , earned or lost many things , but i'm not counting them atm ,
soon i'm going to military service , the place that human learn how to kill human , the place that people understand how to use stuffs and tactics to cut and hunt down each other , i know it sounds not good :) but i have to do it anyway ,
and i am like so many other guys that could kill someone easily to defend someone or something which i'm care about it if i have to ,
it's time to move a bit , i said this words so many times and some times i tried and succeed actually or sometime i was too lazy , even to try what i wanted ,
but this times i have to get over it and be a bit tough on myself , i don't want have a grown size stomach when i hit 50 , i don't want to stuck in some places because of money , or because i can't do anything else than serving for other people ,
i wanna have an athlete body which is strong in mind too :) yea maybe it's the dream of so many young boys to get to a girl ,
hmm why i'm saying these ? maybe it's because im still think that i have chance to be good one for you , to make a better one of myself , i'm not saying that i'm disgusting no.. :) but you are so good than me , and i have to get myself to your level ,
well i won't give up on this hehe either if you like or not :)

i'll never lose my love in my hear anyway , and i think I've proved that to anyone which have known "my love for you" :) it's the part of me ,


well lets see what i will do tomorrow :
it's 6:30 AM right now , i'm gonna go in bed til 1 o clock , and then will be online on skype to talk with you on your breaks , will hang out few hours til your last breaks in your school :) guess i might read the book between your breaks then , and listen to some musics like always ,
then on 3:30 o clock when we're done talking on skype i'll sport some because i haven't done it for days or even weeks and my stomach growing xD , after 1 hour sport , i will take a shower i guess , then i'll come and play/practice some music , will study some flash training and try it ,
and guess it will be time for wow and talk with you at night again ,

and ofc i'll have my lunch and dinner =P i have not forgot about , and i wanna go out and walk some minutes tomorrow after sport and practicing music i think :)


lets see if i will do what i said at above :)

my pills !

lol i feel great now xD !!
i have talked with bestrider ^^

i took my pills ! and i feel great hahaha what pills !? ofc talking with bestrider is like my medicine :)))))))))))))) hahaha ,
when i talk with her it's like charg my batteries =P i always get energy even if i feel bad i just get better always !! well it's strange isn't it ?
it's not the thing that i do by myself xD i don't choose to get better , i just getting better when i have conversation with her :) and it's not even important what we are talking about ^^ it always help me ,
you may not believe it , but i don't mind about you =P haha i believe it , i know it helps me and it doesn't matter if anyone believes it or not xD

no reason

well i'm feeling great today ^^ , just without reason hehe ,
why you should have a reason for everything ? well that's the point :)


eva yesterday you have helped me a lot with your mail :) i'm glad i have a friend like you ^^
when you said : you have to know this --->"you do really love her"
you gave me hope ^^

i'm just gonna say ty Eva for giving me hope :) i really needed that , and yes i do !

hmm what i'm gonna do today , thinking thinking , maybe getting online on "wow" :)
yea i guess it's not bad idea to play some games , and guess Bestrider would be arrived home by now ^.^ so she would get online today .


some times you might be sad for some reason but you have to be happy for no reason :) ^^

i just came out with a thought few hours ago :

how many times have i lived ? only once
how many persons were i ? just as savalan ,

so why i think i'm unusual ? why i think i'm crazy ? no i have to think in better ways ,
i'm completely normal , if i'm not like others , it's not me that is unusual it's them for me that are unusual ;) because i never been like em so i am normal and they are abnormal hehe ,

for example even when someone is really crazy , he sees all world as crazy and himself as normal :)
and this is not bad ...

and i think if you are not a bit crazy and strange and if you are just like others , you are not alive :)

i have chose suffering , and it was my own choice , no one forced me into this , and i won't complain because my love is stronger than these ;)

i have to suffer and understand things , and i don't expect anyone to understand me right now :)

well it's morning now , and i feel as bad as yesterday ,
this is first time that i feel same as night after waking up at morning ...
sleeping always helped before , but this time it didn't work it seems :( ,
hate everything ...

...

it's snowing our there , it's so beautiful , it's the first great snowing of this year in my city ,
bah i'm really tired of ... anyway ,
i'm listening to a jazz music from joshua redman - the song's name is "neverlnd"
and i feel it's my place to go :) ,
i just changed some text and censored my own writings ... i couldn't publish em , so i just save em in dashboard of my blog .............

savalan pictures

hmm did i add the pictures of my trip around savalan mountains in summer ? guess no
so i add some here :) hope you'll like it


shirvan

this one is "shirvan deresi " which means : "valley of shirvan"


















sheep
i took this one on the way of climbing
to the top of mountain ,
if you notice you'll see sheeps there :)
in middle of pic ,

















savalan Vs savalan

and here is the top of savalan mountains :) the great lake that is behind me is right on top of mountain ,
savalan was a volcano before , but it's a place for thousands of living now :)









me and myself and I














group
these guys were in our group :) the guy with yellow jacket was our leader at climbing ,
they were from another city
















on the way back ^^

































the way through rocks

hihi ! i'm back , couldn't stop getting online more than 24 hours xD or even less it seems lol !
well i said that i will be back when i want :)

GONE

i'm not neither sad or mad , but i really want to get mad today , don't know why but i need rage hehe , i want some energy , to be crazy like old days , i want to be angry ! soooo damn angry ... yea this works , i feel exploding energy in my veins now ! yeaaaaaa , i wanna get maaaaaaaaaad !
roaaaaaar hahaha lol xD
damn i laughed xD all madness gone now ... hmm maybe some old heavy metal songs work for what i want , and dancing like crazy !? hm maybe ,

just to know i wanna be gone for a while ... won't be online on skype/yahoo etc and won't check any websites tomorrow , except maybe youtube for mails ,
and i'm not sure how long this would takes , i'll just start be online on those stuffs when i want again ,
so:
I've GONE FOR A WHILE