good luck and long live

today i'm gonna talk about lillithum one of my "INTERNET" friends (she insists on this internet word ;) )

she got a problem that she didn't tell me what was that really , i just translated her comments which were written in polish , and recognized from her mails to me that she is so upset , and she thought about killing herself , and then the mentioned that by herself later ...
i tried to help her with my mails , because i thought i could help :) comparing her with my own problems which i've been through these years , but she said that i'm wrong and i don't know her and her problems , and this is just damn "internet" friendship , not even worse like real life hehe :)
well the details are in my mail , i'm not gonna write whole mails here =P

i'm just wanna tell you here , my problems were not really bad ones ,



it was nothing to see a women smashed under car ,

it wasen't important that my uncle died and if i was 5-6 hours earlier to get him to hospital he would be alive right now ,

it doesn't matter that i couldn't cry neither when my granpa nor my 3 uncles died , (2 of my dad's bros , and 1 my mom's bro )

it's not important that my friend killed himself , and my other friend tried to do it 1 year ago but he couldn't (i'm glad for this :) )

it's not bad to see people dieing of hunger in your country while other other damn people have castles of gold and money to live ,

it's good to have chaos in your country , with a dictator government which kills young like me everyday , because we just want some simple rights of ours !!

it's alright that someone like me loved a girl more than anything , left university , going military (while every one flees from that )
just to be able to meet her by any costs of my life :) (no no .... i'm not regret hehe )

it's fine that i couldn't go out or play with other children because of my sick skin ,

hmm i can't remember other events in my life at the moment :) about religious / death /study /money / friends / etc
but you see i'm still here and i'm laughing ,
you can't imagine how many times i thought about dieing and living every day of my life ;)
i can't even count how many times i was upset and wanted to be no more on this world , but i got hope again and got healed fast ,

but you're right i don't know your problem or problems... eva (Emily ,lillithum or what else) ,
as i said in mail , no one can help ya , unless you want to get help ,
it's just you and yourself :) neither me nor anyone else can change your mind easily ,
i told you that if you do that or if you ignore me , i won't get mad , i would just sad for some while that i lost a friends (even if it was internet relation lol ) , like anything else that i've lost before , but i will live and the world will not stop of spinning around :)

and i know there is no many people that could harm themselves or do suicide ,
it's really hard thing to do ,
and i guess you are not one of those people :) (at least i hope you're not )

i don't wanna say i'm mature , but if you live and get mature some years later , i'm sure you would laugh at yourself ,
life is not hell it has so many beautiful things too ,
otherwise without hope... i would've killed myself long ago by all the things that i've seen in my life :)



hope after we remain as friends and meet after some years :) when all these problems passed .( and we get new problems hehe ) .


and my curse upon of you :
good luck and long live eva ^^

i'm scatman

xD this songs made my day before sleep haha ! scatman rocks !!! never heard him before ,
90s music , everybody jam !! haha

well lets write today's memories ^^ abit

i was sleeping at evening , i woke up and went near window to open it , then noticed it says :
kamr... has sent you a message ! (i'm using imo.im to get online with skype though )
i guess i was a bit sleepy xD i just readed it as this
karugon has sent you a message haha , i just ran to sit behind pc omg lol was almost hurt myself or the stuffs near me haha !!
and i clicked on message and readed:
hi bro
how are you
are you there
are you there

lol i was wondering about that message ! she never talked like this o.0!! i was thinking ooh damn you savalan you haven't heard bestrider's message when you were asleep
all those thoughts came in mine in 1-2 seconds though lol
then suddenly i saw it says: kamran !!
he is my friend from afghanistan haha
i guess i would die of laughing xD

this event was one of the usual events that have happened to me on skype because i always think about you bestrider =P expected that it's your that sending message hehe

something like this have happened to me before also xD when amir started to use skype for first time , and i had only you before that in my friend lists =P so i just used to hear skype sound and talk with my greatest friend on this world (means you ofc ^^) , and those days i almost broke stuffs to come and sit behind PC when amir sent messages haha ,


well this was a good memory to write down today^^

and i'm scatman !!!!! hahaha i just loved you scatman , i'm downloading your discography right now :) don't know if you are alive or dead , but seems musics are old and there is no new ones so guess dead :) i will have great moments by your songs ^^ ,
i just saw my own personality in this 2 songs of yours which i listened til now :)

sev seni seveni yerle yeksan olsa

sevme seni sevmieni mesera sultan olsa


english :

love the who loves you even if he is nobody

don't love the one that doesn't love you even if he is king of Egypt

playing ball

hehe i'm thinking about an idea today , i wanna make some fun movies , it's 5:46 AM and i can't sleep because i have so many things to think about lol ,
was surfing youtube and saw some guys that playing ball in their movie , in different scenes ofc
for example i throw the ball from home , and my friend gets it in his home (video) and throw it to other one , i think this could be so fun to make xD
for example imagine podc wow guild's players ... playing with ball and throwing it to each other .
i know that bestrider wouldn't accept it , because she still hiding/chasing =P
but i'm gonna take my chance ,
first i will make a simple one with one of my friends , that i gonna tell them tomorrow , and then i will write it in forums of guild to see how many people are interested in it :)
they have to have cameras at least and be able to upload movie to give it to me , and i think most of them already know how to do it anyway .

yes it's me , who else could it be :)
but i'm not feeling bad , i'm not feeling great , sad, upset or anything , i don't feel anything special atm :) but i like to memorize my thoughts here .
through the last years i had so many times that i were upset or i was mad , and ofc i had times that i felt great too :) i experienced in love , i suffered in it and i guess i made you to be suffered too , well anyway ,
i think it was some great times in my life that i learned so many things , earned or lost many things , but i'm not counting them atm ,
soon i'm going to military service , the place that human learn how to kill human , the place that people understand how to use stuffs and tactics to cut and hunt down each other , i know it sounds not good :) but i have to do it anyway ,
and i am like so many other guys that could kill someone easily to defend someone or something which i'm care about it if i have to ,
it's time to move a bit , i said this words so many times and some times i tried and succeed actually or sometime i was too lazy , even to try what i wanted ,
but this times i have to get over it and be a bit tough on myself , i don't want have a grown size stomach when i hit 50 , i don't want to stuck in some places because of money , or because i can't do anything else than serving for other people ,
i wanna have an athlete body which is strong in mind too :) yea maybe it's the dream of so many young boys to get to a girl ,
hmm why i'm saying these ? maybe it's because im still think that i have chance to be good one for you , to make a better one of myself , i'm not saying that i'm disgusting no.. :) but you are so good than me , and i have to get myself to your level ,
well i won't give up on this hehe either if you like or not :)

i'll never lose my love in my hear anyway , and i think I've proved that to anyone which have known "my love for you" :) it's the part of me ,


well lets see what i will do tomorrow :
it's 6:30 AM right now , i'm gonna go in bed til 1 o clock , and then will be online on skype to talk with you on your breaks , will hang out few hours til your last breaks in your school :) guess i might read the book between your breaks then , and listen to some musics like always ,
then on 3:30 o clock when we're done talking on skype i'll sport some because i haven't done it for days or even weeks and my stomach growing xD , after 1 hour sport , i will take a shower i guess , then i'll come and play/practice some music , will study some flash training and try it ,
and guess it will be time for wow and talk with you at night again ,

and ofc i'll have my lunch and dinner =P i have not forgot about , and i wanna go out and walk some minutes tomorrow after sport and practicing music i think :)


lets see if i will do what i said at above :)

my pills !

lol i feel great now xD !!
i have talked with bestrider ^^

i took my pills ! and i feel great hahaha what pills !? ofc talking with bestrider is like my medicine :)))))))))))))) hahaha ,
when i talk with her it's like charg my batteries =P i always get energy even if i feel bad i just get better always !! well it's strange isn't it ?
it's not the thing that i do by myself xD i don't choose to get better , i just getting better when i have conversation with her :) and it's not even important what we are talking about ^^ it always help me ,
you may not believe it , but i don't mind about you =P haha i believe it , i know it helps me and it doesn't matter if anyone believes it or not xD

no reason

well i'm feeling great today ^^ , just without reason hehe ,
why you should have a reason for everything ? well that's the point :)


eva yesterday you have helped me a lot with your mail :) i'm glad i have a friend like you ^^
when you said : you have to know this --->"you do really love her"
you gave me hope ^^

i'm just gonna say ty Eva for giving me hope :) i really needed that , and yes i do !

hmm what i'm gonna do today , thinking thinking , maybe getting online on "wow" :)
yea i guess it's not bad idea to play some games , and guess Bestrider would be arrived home by now ^.^ so she would get online today .


some times you might be sad for some reason but you have to be happy for no reason :) ^^

i just came out with a thought few hours ago :

how many times have i lived ? only once
how many persons were i ? just as savalan ,

so why i think i'm unusual ? why i think i'm crazy ? no i have to think in better ways ,
i'm completely normal , if i'm not like others , it's not me that is unusual it's them for me that are unusual ;) because i never been like em so i am normal and they are abnormal hehe ,

for example even when someone is really crazy , he sees all world as crazy and himself as normal :)
and this is not bad ...

and i think if you are not a bit crazy and strange and if you are just like others , you are not alive :)

i have chose suffering , and it was my own choice , no one forced me into this , and i won't complain because my love is stronger than these ;)

i have to suffer and understand things , and i don't expect anyone to understand me right now :)

well it's morning now , and i feel as bad as yesterday ,
this is first time that i feel same as night after waking up at morning ...
sleeping always helped before , but this time it didn't work it seems :( ,
hate everything ...

...

it's snowing our there , it's so beautiful , it's the first great snowing of this year in my city ,
bah i'm really tired of ... anyway ,
i'm listening to a jazz music from joshua redman - the song's name is "neverlnd"
and i feel it's my place to go :) ,
i just changed some text and censored my own writings ... i couldn't publish em , so i just save em in dashboard of my blog .............

savalan pictures

hmm did i add the pictures of my trip around savalan mountains in summer ? guess no
so i add some here :) hope you'll like it


shirvan

this one is "shirvan deresi " which means : "valley of shirvan"


















sheep
i took this one on the way of climbing
to the top of mountain ,
if you notice you'll see sheeps there :)
in middle of pic ,

















savalan Vs savalan

and here is the top of savalan mountains :) the great lake that is behind me is right on top of mountain ,
savalan was a volcano before , but it's a place for thousands of living now :)









me and myself and I














group
these guys were in our group :) the guy with yellow jacket was our leader at climbing ,
they were from another city
















on the way back ^^

































the way through rocks

hihi ! i'm back , couldn't stop getting online more than 24 hours xD or even less it seems lol !
well i said that i will be back when i want :)

GONE

i'm not neither sad or mad , but i really want to get mad today , don't know why but i need rage hehe , i want some energy , to be crazy like old days , i want to be angry ! soooo damn angry ... yea this works , i feel exploding energy in my veins now ! yeaaaaaa , i wanna get maaaaaaaaaad !
roaaaaaar hahaha lol xD
damn i laughed xD all madness gone now ... hmm maybe some old heavy metal songs work for what i want , and dancing like crazy !? hm maybe ,

just to know i wanna be gone for a while ... won't be online on skype/yahoo etc and won't check any websites tomorrow , except maybe youtube for mails ,
and i'm not sure how long this would takes , i'll just start be online on those stuffs when i want again ,
so:
I've GONE FOR A WHILE