good luck and long live

today i'm gonna talk about lillithum one of my "INTERNET" friends (she insists on this internet word ;) )

she got a problem that she didn't tell me what was that really , i just translated her comments which were written in polish , and recognized from her mails to me that she is so upset , and she thought about killing herself , and then the mentioned that by herself later ...
i tried to help her with my mails , because i thought i could help :) comparing her with my own problems which i've been through these years , but she said that i'm wrong and i don't know her and her problems , and this is just damn "internet" friendship , not even worse like real life hehe :)
well the details are in my mail , i'm not gonna write whole mails here =P

i'm just wanna tell you here , my problems were not really bad ones ,



it was nothing to see a women smashed under car ,

it wasen't important that my uncle died and if i was 5-6 hours earlier to get him to hospital he would be alive right now ,

it doesn't matter that i couldn't cry neither when my granpa nor my 3 uncles died , (2 of my dad's bros , and 1 my mom's bro )

it's not important that my friend killed himself , and my other friend tried to do it 1 year ago but he couldn't (i'm glad for this :) )

it's not bad to see people dieing of hunger in your country while other other damn people have castles of gold and money to live ,

it's good to have chaos in your country , with a dictator government which kills young like me everyday , because we just want some simple rights of ours !!

it's alright that someone like me loved a girl more than anything , left university , going military (while every one flees from that )
just to be able to meet her by any costs of my life :) (no no .... i'm not regret hehe )

it's fine that i couldn't go out or play with other children because of my sick skin ,

hmm i can't remember other events in my life at the moment :) about religious / death /study /money / friends / etc
but you see i'm still here and i'm laughing ,
you can't imagine how many times i thought about dieing and living every day of my life ;)
i can't even count how many times i was upset and wanted to be no more on this world , but i got hope again and got healed fast ,

but you're right i don't know your problem or problems... eva (Emily ,lillithum or what else) ,
as i said in mail , no one can help ya , unless you want to get help ,
it's just you and yourself :) neither me nor anyone else can change your mind easily ,
i told you that if you do that or if you ignore me , i won't get mad , i would just sad for some while that i lost a friends (even if it was internet relation lol ) , like anything else that i've lost before , but i will live and the world will not stop of spinning around :)

and i know there is no many people that could harm themselves or do suicide ,
it's really hard thing to do ,
and i guess you are not one of those people :) (at least i hope you're not )

i don't wanna say i'm mature , but if you live and get mature some years later , i'm sure you would laugh at yourself ,
life is not hell it has so many beautiful things too ,
otherwise without hope... i would've killed myself long ago by all the things that i've seen in my life :)



hope after we remain as friends and meet after some years :) when all these problems passed .( and we get new problems hehe ) .


and my curse upon of you :
good luck and long live eva ^^