well we talked now :) but i don't know the main reason of yours for not coming online anyway ,
you just said that you were studding for 1 day and playing game i think for rest ,
and you just said "=P" when i told you that i was wondering if i did something wrong that you didn't show up on messenger for 4 days , even though you usually come online even while you are raiding ( like today) ,

well what ever it was , hope that you have cleared your mind of extra thoughts :) by not talking with me these days ,

this hand writing on a money paper is so sad :)

ok gonna translate it here ,
that guy says :

time: 11:15 night
i'm at my job guarding (as soldier not sure what's the correct word when a soldier guarding a place ) 2006/3 /2

fuck this military things
which fucked me up ...

my girl friend is a mother now , (means he got married by someone else so this guy have he lost her)
and i'm still a soldier out here ....

today i did chat with taher one of my old friends that was(and is) in love with a girl from another city of iran ,
his condition is almost same as me except that his love is in same country and so close to him (different cities though) , but he has same troubles like me about money/military service/university/family etc etc ..
he said brb while we were chatting and after some minute that he returned , he told me that his girl friend had called him ,
and told him that it is raining so i got sad ... and asked him that when you will come to her city ...
because shes feeling lonely... ,

and taher have told me before that he wants to go there but he needs money to fly there by airplane just for 1 day !! and he needs money to buy a gift for her ... and that has to be soooo expensive or big gift ...pfff

i told him that wtf are you doing taher !! your friend wants you to be there and you're thinking about MONEY right now ? FOR some stupid GIFTs ?
you have to go there but NOT by airplane , you can just take bus and it won't take more than 6-7 hours to be there !! and 1 DAY isn't enough ,
don't be stupid taher ! your friend wants you to be there and you slack ... be a man !you have to be there when she needs you !! to be with her and may have fun by going around and it doen't cost money THAT muuuuch .

and told him that if it was my friend(bestrider i mean) that asked me to be there , i would even start running RIGHT NOW ! to be there as fast as possible ! without passport without waiting even 1 SEC !! but unfortunately my problem is a bit more than taher ,

and i hope he won't do anything wrong on his relation with her really , i know he loves her and she might love him back , and it's enough for now , she has to see him like a man that goes all these ways just to see and be around with her for 1-3 days at least ,

13

hahaha , i knew it xD i can't wait for you mail =P i know you're playing wow because i've seen you ;)
you care about wow and your gears there ... more than your friends/families i guess =P but all will be fine anyway :)

i'm gonna send mail to ask where are you been all these days xD (but not today , i'll do it tomorrow if you don't show up on internet again )

hahahahahaha , this is not weakness , it's something that other ppl can't do really lol
they just wait and wait until it goes so late to react =P
but i can't lol



YES YES i'm crazy bad boy xD and my number is 13 ! haha

the conversation between boy and girl before and after THE marriage xD

boy : it's time now , i've been waiting for this
girl: do you wanna leave me ?

boy:don't even think about that
girl:do you love me ?

boy:ofc ! always !
girl:have you cheated on me ?

boy:no ? why do you ask !
girl: would you kiss me ?

boy:ofc , everyday !
girl:will you hit me ?

boy:are you crazy ?? i'm not that kind of person ...
girl:can i ... trust you ?

boy:yes
girl: dear ...




and now read the sentences upward hehe from bottom to top ^^

you know i'm crazy boy ;)
i could stop talking with anyone , but i'll still love them :)
even though while you want me to think that you are a bad person ...
i'm sure you are an angel lol


i don't have the way back ^^ , i can't get back the things that i have lost , and yea ofc i don't say it was anyone's fault :)
i have chose my path to meet you in real and gave a new chance to the world :) and i'll do it ,

emm i guess i feel like last year ... when i was feeling so bad , hmm but no :) i'm not gonna get sick of love like ago ,
i'm not a mental , i just in love , but i just feel love a bit more than other people because my emotions are strong , and it would make me some troubles later as it did earlier too ,


haha it feels like last year when you were playing wow , and i was waiting whole nights for you ,
but ill just let it go as your wishes :) it doesn't matter what happens to me , i wouldn't let anything to hurt you , so i'm gonna obey and won't get online like you want to bestrider :)
3 days without getting online means something even though you were playing wow , there is a meaning of behind this , the things that you do i mean :)



i will just wait for you to send me a mail , if you do though ofc,
i have to get used to this loneliness anyway , because when i join to that stupid army , i wouldn't even be able to send you mails in weeks :) and you know this too ,


i'll do what i wanted to do anyway , but your mails or chats just make it easier , but even without those ... i'll survive anyway but it would be so hard yea , so i hope for easy ways :)
i am stronger that you've thought bestrider ,



i'm writing on this blog , just to read these some years later to remind me how i was ;)


and as you've declared that you don't read this blog :) i'm gonna yell this words every times !!
I LOVE YOU BESTRIDER

i'm gonna change the way i'm talking or thinking a bit ,

YOU ARE MINE and I'M YOURS xD
YOU will understand what the love means bestrider ^^ soon , you will grow as i'll do too :)

my last breath - evenescence

hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

the time freeze on 12 o clock

hmm few hours past since my last post :) and i feel good now hehe it's 6:50 AM ! which means it's morning atm =P and i'm gonna sleep now
you know i'm instant and i can't be sad for much time ^^

i have talked with my friend too , ali or hellish /doomjudge which are his nicknames on game ,
you know it's always good to talk with someone like or even worse then you =P
he said many things about himself about the girls that he had and etc ... which i'm not gonna tell it here =P
well anyway i took a shower and i was thinking that i'm feeling good ^^ and then my sister arrived home ! haha she just arrived when i was in shower , and gave me some advertising about england universities ^^ .


ooh btw before i go for shower , i looked at clock , it doesn't work because of low battery , and it's on 12 o clock , but i liked it ^^ , it was like freezing time when i'm in fine(love) mood xD

at the times like this i love everyone , specially you bestrider like always , i love you like you are , you would behave not nice to me =P but i love you anyway at this way or another ^^ ,


as i said before : get sad by a reason but be happy without reason xd haha it's one of my own proverbs =P deviltabriz !!

because you suck Savalan

hmm was surfing web and just searched on google : i feel alone
so found some websites which ppl have discussed about being alone , mostly young ppl like me .
or even some guys with wife ... etc etc
and i just posted some little part of my story on 1 of those sites

i checked wow and you were online again hehe , i haven't talked to you since yesterday at school ,
you were playing wow as well yesterday and didn't come online , not i don't wanna chase you
like the way i did 1 year ago on anachronos realm , because it hurts me when i see you're online
and playing and you don't want to come online just to say hi to me :)
i'm gonna say it's not your fault and you have just forgot or you just don't know that i always w8 for you at your school time or nights just to talk with ya ,
but notTHIS time i won't say those old things :)
i think you're afraid of felling in love , yep you don't want to do that , and you try to do other stuffs to forget those feelings to skip it, but in other way you know that you hurt me , and you want to find a answer for not doing that , BUT you couldn't do it ,
so you're fighting in your mind some times , but as i know you .. you don't like to think a lot about the stuffs that bothering you :)

but without looking these ...some times you come online on messengers just to talk with me ,
and yes yesterday it was your mistake that you have came online on skype so you did put busy status , but you have thought that it would be not true because i've seen you lol you closed skype and came online on yahoo as invisible ,
but in fact i didn't want to talk with you , because i knew it wasn't by your willing to do that really , so i just said that i'm gonna take a shower to make you comfortable to go off easily :)
and you answer made me more certain about that :) when you said ooh ok i think i won't be online after that hehe :)


well lets say i'm wrong and this is just my strong or sick imagination ;)
but the fact this won't help you to get online ,
you know i don't play game and i usually don't have anything special at nights or at your school time ,
so i just come online because i want to talk with youuuuuuuu
i have told that thousands of times to you , so im not wrong at this one ,
even friends wouldn't do this to each other ...


you know i will be so sad and alone soon(becuase i don't play games anymore with youuu ! and i'll go to army sooon ) ,
even though you play wow like nothing have happened , i'm not talking about love here .... i know you're scared of it , i know you don't want to accept it atm , i'm just saying that you could JUST come online for 5 min to say hi i'm playing wow or tell me that i don't have the fucking time to talk with you today or tomorrow or for years !! because your suck savalan , because you fell in love with me so i don't want to talk with you !!
because i'm afraid of fell in love ! because you are stupid Savalan ! because because
because
because
because.........................

since 20 years ago !

it's 2:46 right now , and around 12:15 in sweden , well it's late so guess you won't come online today , so i don't have anything to do now , better to get sleep then ,

i was thinking ... that suddenly i remembered my childish time when i had fever :)
it was like 10 years ago when i was around 10 i guess ,
i had cold and fever and my grand mom was in our house too ,
i don't remember it but they said that i had fever and was sleeping ... then i just wake up ! and yell at my mom !!! xD : " 20 ildi diyiram ustumi chah ! " (i don't remember if i have said this too : pokh or eshah )

which it means " i am telling you since 20 year ago ! to cover me by my coverlet " lol
and as i said i was 10 or something xD

and guess what =P i'm just 20 year old now xD and remembered it haha

grown vs child or mature plus child

hey myself :)
gonna talk about growing today(being mature) ,

yea you were right bestrider , you act like you are much grown than wild as she said though =P
and i know that you are such a mature girl than many other girls at your age , as the way you think ,
you mind works alot better than other girls or boys like yourself ,
you are completely different than others , and i can feel that more than yourself sometimes :)

when you went to podc meeting to see other guildies it was starting of growing i think ,
as wild said =P she pulled the trigger lol , and since that day you've changed alot xD

it's so good to be a grown man/woman but i also say that you have to save your inner childish inside , because it improves your imagination , or it helps you to be happy , a kid usually likes stuffs fast than grown men :) , and their world are alot bigger than grown ones , because they have all their senses together , which those senses aren't seperated yet , the man gets stronger in some senses and some other senses get weaker in him when he grows and be a grown man :)

the ppl that usually make change in our world haven't lost their senses , they were/are not just an ordinary men , they could change themselves or others ,


i'm not saying that i'm a grown man , but i'm alot better than my friends or at least the ones that i know til this day , and i have tried to don't lost my senses , sometimes i remember my childish senses which ppl would never even think about that ,
for example few days ago when i was walking on the street , i just felt the same way like when i was 10-11 , when it was like a butter fly in my stomach ,well can't explain it by words right now , and i don't remember that feeling 100% , it was like 1-2 second of my childhood feelings ,
that could happen by some familiar smells like rain or soil , or some places that i've liked to be there when i was little ,
i really like to remember them though , but it's hard , and so many ppl don't even remember if they were different before =P but i do ,


and for you bestrider :) first of all im gonna say this : i love you xD don't get mad haha i'm innocent , it's not in my hands to stop loving ya =P i just love you and i will .

then i wish you to grow and be independent for yourself in your life ofc , but hope you'll never lose your senses , it's the key of success and happiness to act like child sometimes and be a grown in sometimes ^.^




ah another say that i'm gonna say before i die in bed xD
i never get bored of talking with ya , i usually do when i'm with any of my friends even the best ones ^^ , but even when we are online but not talking atm , i just feel so good that you are there and you'll answer to me or you would say something soon xD

as i remember that i've told it once before on this blog ,
i can just sit in front of you and watch you whole day without getting bored of anything :)
while the world and the ppl are active , i could just watch and observe you for days =P without saying a word ,
and gonna say this one also again: hope one day you'll understand how i feel for you :) and read this blog together one day =P

i love you , good night :)

i have drew this one 4-5 days ago but few min ago added some effects and a glass :) on this cow skull , so it's ready to be uploaded

yayaya xD just finished this ^^

sing now

it's so nice song and lyrics , i guess first part is for me and second part is for you
bestrider lol    haha ^^


sing now -"john scatman"                

Maybe we should stop pretending
And start believing dreams come true
The story has a happy ending
It all depends on me and you
This is the sunrise
It's the beginning of the dawn
Gotta believe me,believe in the sun


There isn't any time for secrets
You know the truth is finally out
Everything is in the music
It's time for us to stand and shout
This is the sunrise
It's the beginning of the dawn
Gotta believe me,believe in the sun

i'm one of the world's wonders ! the greatest one !!

mandolins play !!!moon show yourself !
sky get darker !!! wind bloW !!!
crow and cats wake up !! dogs start to yap !
i command you all to bow for my wishes !!!!!!!!!
some know me as deviltabriz !!!! and some know as Sultan Savalan !!
but you could never know me completely ! what i'll do few sec later !?
you never can guess ! i'm instant guy ! you can't even read my mind !!
because i can do things without planning and thinking when i want !!

be aware of my power , this world never seen anyone like meee !
i'm one of the world's wonders ! the greatest one !!!!

but don't worry haha i'm not gonna eat you in your bed xD i'm just trying to make some fun lol

today is one of my greatest days !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i can't say whyyyyyyy hahaha and you can't guess , i know =P and be sure that what ever which you guessed was wrong ;) haha

hmm i tried to don't expect much from anyone , specially from you bestrider ,
i wanted to don't expect you to be like me , and be online because of me or come earlier on net ,
make something for me etc . .
but i see that i still some times expecting much from you , you were raiding in wow , and you said and you came online 15 min ago (2:45 AM) ,

but i think i have to understand that raiding is much fun than talking with me ofc ,
i should not expect you to do anything really ,
i would try to force something to my friends or families or other people ,
but i would never could force anything to ya , you know it :)

you see that i can't even tell these to your face , because i'm afraid that you stop talking with me ,
but i feel like this is wrong to tell my thoughts just here ... instead of talking face to face with you ,
this may cause problem laters ... (if there be later times anyway ) .


on these last years i learned alot of you , you made me to learn love(even though you don't know it yourself) / we had so much fun / we helped each other many times (your helps were more worth than my helps i think, i'm not talking about helping in wow) /
we suffered each other too , but it's the thing that everyone would have between them even as friends you would be mad some times upon each other and be the kindest person after a while again :)

right now you are in instance , i know that i was waiting whole day to talk with you (were almost going off because thought you won't show up like 2 days ago) , but atm i can't talk with ya because i don't want to interrupt ya , you'll go offline again in few min cause you got school tomorrow thought , and i'll be by myself again ...

well what ever , i have to learn to be alone , better to get used to it more than this , my greatest lone times are close ... and i can't help it unless learning to survive of anything which will happen to me or others in my life ,

my new story which i'll start soon (maybe tomorrow)

i got an idea about a new story :

felan be farsi minevisamesh : in dastan raje be 5 ta marde ke 2-3 k sal pish zendegi mikardan , oona pishbini karde bodan ke yek tamaddone khoob lazeme ke ensan haro nejat bede , vali in tamaddon baiad tori bashe ke bonye haie aslie oon be hich vajhi ba hich toofani az ja kande va ba bad be hadar nare , iran jayi hast ke oona in karo kardan ,
esme one shaiad intori bashe :( tambuz , karok , lande , yomes , va 1 ki dige ke badan fekresho mikonam )
ye chizi mesle ine hala kamo ziyadesh badan minevisam :

bad mivazid , va atish ra ba khodash miraghsand ,
setare ha ziyad dide nemishodan , vali mah dar asemone abri hanoz ham dide mishod ,
oona doore atish neshaste bodan va to fekr bodan ,
har kodom az oona az ye mantaghe az irane oon zaman bodan , bozorgtarin keshvare donyaie oon zaman , faghat yomes bod ke kasi be dorosty nemidonest ahle koja bood , va hame faghat ono dar safar dide bodan ,
.....
.....
tambuz goft age gharare inkaro bokonim , nemishe faghat ino bara yek daste az mardom bashe ,
baiad be chand bakhsh tabdil konimesh ta age sadameyi bebine az bein nare va bakhsh haie dige oono takmilesh konan ,
lante ba tekan dadane sarash be tayide harfe tambuz goft , inja zamani momkene be yeki az keshvaraie kochak va farghi ham tabdil beshe , chon dar hich donyayi emperatori baraie hamishe baghi nemimone va yek zamani ro be zeval mire , pas ta hadde momken baiad inaro ba deghat entekhab konim ,
yomes goft vali hich kas nabaiad maro be khater dashte bashe , hatta esme ma ham baiad az yade ensan ha bere , ta zamani ke zamanesh berese va khodeshon betonan ma va kari ro ke barashon kardim ro befahman ,
.. va gheyre be zoooodi az shabakeie deviltabriz hehe ,

and LAST edit :) which i finished it now , i took picture with cellphone and edited xD
that guy with an stick in his hand is me ofc =P

just done this :) but maybe i add my own pic into it tomorrow xD or change moon's color

an angel cat

an angel cat =P
i made this photo today xD by photoshop ofc :)
my friend eva told me that she wants to be a cat ooh a bird ooh the best: a cat with wings ^^ so i made this one for her :)
hope she'll likes it xD

made this one for you , but i just post it here , won't show that to ya anyway ^^ ,
i'm still new on painting with tablet but they are good as my first works , i'm still learning these painter programs :)

i drew 2 paints today , this girls isn't completed yet , but not into finishing it xD i actually liked it like this for now :)

feels like home

i wasn't sleepy so i watched a movie , i had this movie in my hard disc for long time maybe few months , and i didn't want to watch it before , because it was about cancer
the movie's name was : my sister's keeper :) and i think it was nice ,
no i'm not gonna tell the story here :) if you want to know that , you have to watch it yourself ,

i just came on blog to write the lyrics of a song : " feels like home " i can say i loved it :)

there you go :


Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Chorus: Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much <---------- :) this is my special part

Chorus

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong